A few years ago I shared a conversation with a dear friend about life being a book. As we went along, we joked about the beginning of the book, and made up scenes and scenarios for the chapters that followed. At that stage in my life, my book looked more as if it were a romance novel. You know the one.... boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, live happily ever after, and at the end of their lives are showered with love and adoration by their children and grandchildren. While that book obviously has been shelved as in "never to be published", my current book is lacking. It's past time I start writing my next novel.
Obviously I have been working on my outline for the past few months. I am in the final stages of having two amazing careers take off. However, I still need a location... which I am working on oh and don't to forget a "romantic interest"!
More to come...
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Whats happening...
I've been down lately; I wouldn’t go so far as to say I am depressed, but lacking my perk. Usually the best thing for me to do when I get this way is write in my blog and take a moment to reflect and be grateful again, and yet my blog is the one thing I have been avoiding the most. I’ve been struggling for weeks to form words and sentences. There have been countless attempts sitting at my laptop starring at its glowing screen… and nothing, so in traditional Amber fashion, here goes... my therapy.
February is a hard month for me, career wise and personally. Each year my business attends it’s largest trade show which I handle everything in addition to attending (not by choice of course!) Also, it has now been two years since my father passed and a day doesn't go by without a thought or memory of him. I hate to say it but mentally I was in a better place last year than I am now. Not to mention the commercial holiday of “love, lovers and romance”, thank goodness this month is short!
There are so many incredible opportunities happening in my life right now, and yet I have become impatient to the amount of time they will take. I am a few weeks away from my state exams for my realtors license (I would have taken it this week if it wasn't for my trade show) My dearest Jeff is doing his part to get his new office in place and piece together his dream team, which I am included in. This is a new venture for me, and one I believe I will succeed at. I am still in the early stages of the music licensing position. I find this to be an extremely exciting opportunity, however it is equally competitive and I am most definitely the new kid on the block. For now I am creating relationships and have just started to get our music out there. Little by little I am becoming more familiar with the independent Music Supervisors and the different music library companies. As the end of my second month nears I am anxious to see results. I want nothing more than to succeed at this for multiple reasons. In fact I have found an incredible course at UCLA for this exact career and REALLY am contemplating enrolling.
I just spent the last four days in Indianapolis, my annual tradeshow in the motorsports industry. I am currently sitting on my flight home reflecting. I arrived on Tuesday (Valentine’s Day) and was scheduled to return the following Monday. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t up for the mingling, the men, and the parties, none of it. It’s Saturday and I’m almost home, and can’t wait to get there. This year I didn’t have it in me. I got there, got the booth built in record time, had a day and a half to myself before my crew arrived, and I was done…over it. I spent 5 hours one day at the spa which was the highlight of my trip. I managed one night out with a group and had a great time (including sunglass guy…forgot what I call him or if I ever gave him a nickname?) but after that I was over it. I attended day one of the show, made sure my two new salesmen could handle it and headed out midday today. I am not myself… not to mention I want nothing to do with this industry and portion of my past life. The drive is gone and it shows.
Lets see what else can I get out of my head… I’ve started therapy with Kayden, a little for her and a lot for me. Lately we have been having numerous issues at home. She “acts” as though she doesn’t care about school and her studies; homework time has become a battle zone. I’ve had to give up going to the gym because our nighttime routine is impossible. It’s worried me for months and a few weeks ago while my mom was in town for Kayden’s birthday and saw first hand our ”situation”, I knew it was time to address it. Apparently my little girl is feeding off me… no surprise… and since I am sort of a mess right now we both are falling apart. The poor thing has guilt towards me and my lack of happiness. She is older now and is starting to understand and feel the effects of the divorce. She sees our “old” life when she stays with her dad and his girlfriend. She sees how dad has someone and mom is alone. It has put unnecessary pressure on her being that she thinks she is all I’ve got. Poor thing. So now my 8 year old is acting out the only (toxic) relationship she has ever seen me in… it’s the only way she knows. How sad is that. So we have weekly sessions each alone and occasionally together. As much as I tried to do the right thing these past two years by keeping her close to her father, staying in the same neighborhood and trying not disrupt her world, my happiness deteriorated, and I didn’t create a new life for me. This is causing us both pain. So now, more than ever, I need to move away, get happy, and start living. The current plan when my lease is up in April is to move home… as in with my parents. Take a few months to focus on myself and my daughters’ well being and be surrounded by a healthy, loving environment. Then head towards the beach and start living! Basically I am taking 4-6 months to rest and take my time with our next move. The goal is to spend the summer at the ranch and be back south by the time school starts. I will obviously commute a little bit between the city and the ranch so that Kayden can see her dad and I can handle any work requirements. I am getting excited about the idea and reality of a real change. I have spent the past two years going through the motions and getting nowhere... it's time my wheels actually take me somewhere!
February is a hard month for me, career wise and personally. Each year my business attends it’s largest trade show which I handle everything in addition to attending (not by choice of course!) Also, it has now been two years since my father passed and a day doesn't go by without a thought or memory of him. I hate to say it but mentally I was in a better place last year than I am now. Not to mention the commercial holiday of “love, lovers and romance”, thank goodness this month is short!
There are so many incredible opportunities happening in my life right now, and yet I have become impatient to the amount of time they will take. I am a few weeks away from my state exams for my realtors license (I would have taken it this week if it wasn't for my trade show) My dearest Jeff is doing his part to get his new office in place and piece together his dream team, which I am included in. This is a new venture for me, and one I believe I will succeed at. I am still in the early stages of the music licensing position. I find this to be an extremely exciting opportunity, however it is equally competitive and I am most definitely the new kid on the block. For now I am creating relationships and have just started to get our music out there. Little by little I am becoming more familiar with the independent Music Supervisors and the different music library companies. As the end of my second month nears I am anxious to see results. I want nothing more than to succeed at this for multiple reasons. In fact I have found an incredible course at UCLA for this exact career and REALLY am contemplating enrolling.
I just spent the last four days in Indianapolis, my annual tradeshow in the motorsports industry. I am currently sitting on my flight home reflecting. I arrived on Tuesday (Valentine’s Day) and was scheduled to return the following Monday. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t up for the mingling, the men, and the parties, none of it. It’s Saturday and I’m almost home, and can’t wait to get there. This year I didn’t have it in me. I got there, got the booth built in record time, had a day and a half to myself before my crew arrived, and I was done…over it. I spent 5 hours one day at the spa which was the highlight of my trip. I managed one night out with a group and had a great time (including sunglass guy…forgot what I call him or if I ever gave him a nickname?) but after that I was over it. I attended day one of the show, made sure my two new salesmen could handle it and headed out midday today. I am not myself… not to mention I want nothing to do with this industry and portion of my past life. The drive is gone and it shows.
Lets see what else can I get out of my head… I’ve started therapy with Kayden, a little for her and a lot for me. Lately we have been having numerous issues at home. She “acts” as though she doesn’t care about school and her studies; homework time has become a battle zone. I’ve had to give up going to the gym because our nighttime routine is impossible. It’s worried me for months and a few weeks ago while my mom was in town for Kayden’s birthday and saw first hand our ”situation”, I knew it was time to address it. Apparently my little girl is feeding off me… no surprise… and since I am sort of a mess right now we both are falling apart. The poor thing has guilt towards me and my lack of happiness. She is older now and is starting to understand and feel the effects of the divorce. She sees our “old” life when she stays with her dad and his girlfriend. She sees how dad has someone and mom is alone. It has put unnecessary pressure on her being that she thinks she is all I’ve got. Poor thing. So now my 8 year old is acting out the only (toxic) relationship she has ever seen me in… it’s the only way she knows. How sad is that. So we have weekly sessions each alone and occasionally together. As much as I tried to do the right thing these past two years by keeping her close to her father, staying in the same neighborhood and trying not disrupt her world, my happiness deteriorated, and I didn’t create a new life for me. This is causing us both pain. So now, more than ever, I need to move away, get happy, and start living. The current plan when my lease is up in April is to move home… as in with my parents. Take a few months to focus on myself and my daughters’ well being and be surrounded by a healthy, loving environment. Then head towards the beach and start living! Basically I am taking 4-6 months to rest and take my time with our next move. The goal is to spend the summer at the ranch and be back south by the time school starts. I will obviously commute a little bit between the city and the ranch so that Kayden can see her dad and I can handle any work requirements. I am getting excited about the idea and reality of a real change. I have spent the past two years going through the motions and getting nowhere... it's time my wheels actually take me somewhere!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
The truth... the whole truth... and nothing but
The truth... crap... I still have not written a real blog (thanks Kelly for calling me out on it!) I am in denial of whats really going on in my life right now, and by me writing about it I have to face it. **crinkles my nose** Here goes....
I managed to get through December and the holidays fairly unscathed. It was my first Christmas without my daughter.. and sister.. and brother for that matter. Since it had become so foreign to not only me, but my parents as well, we decided it was best to do something we have never done before, that way we wouldn't all three pout! We celebrated Christmas a day early and at my house. My parents actually came and stayed with me for 5 days.. and yes folks that's a record! We were social to say the least... we had dinner with friends every night! We celebrated Christmas Eve on Friday and had our Christmas morning on Saturday, in order to share our traditions with Kayden. Then we shipped her off to her dads and that was that.
New Year's was less eventful. I had every intention of going somewhere... OUT of town and doing something... Needless to say it was another New Years Eve with no one to kiss... well except my beautiful daughter. This year, hopefully that will change, but I am not putting any pressure on me!
I have been so busy the last six months since I have taken dating out of my equation. My intentions were to get prepped and prepared for the changes I expect to happen in 2012. and mentally I am getting there. To be honest I put too much focus in 2010 and 11 on dating and finding my perfect recipe, almost to the point of me looking desperate... and guess what... I'm not! I am alone, but not lonely... well not all of the time! I've stopped looking and have found plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully at some point this year I will get back to working on that and experiencing love again. I do have so much to share and would love the right someone to share it with. But for now I am focusing on moving OUT of my current area and creating my next life.
Why am I so focused on moving... I keep getting people asking me this question. Well for one... I moved to this town when I was young and houses were cheap! I made a great profit on my first property and somehow managed to bankroll that into the next. This is a lovely area for families... this town wreaks of soccer moms! While I am an extremely involved parent in my daughters life... from tennis club... to classroom reading groups... to running club... I am there... but I am NOT a soccer mom! I am the "divorced" mom... and mind you the only one in the second grade! This area is for families and I no longer fit the mold. On any given weekend night at the local bars and restaurants there are NO possible suitors! That is of course unless I was interested in a 20 something year old guy who drives a big lifted truck, wears his black flat billed hat with his black socks and shoes! Uh... "she said NO"! The professional grown men here are all married. And not that I am all about trolling the bars... because those of you that know me... know I obviously have NO game and that's NOT me! I am interested in socializing with my peers... other single women.. and adult professional men! Not to mention running into the home wrecker girlfriend in the toothpaste aisle at the market and now at the gym is getting old! Time for me to relocate. My plan by summertime is to be back in the OC... I'd love the beach but not sure whats in the budget, so most likely back to Costa Mesa.... which is peachy with me! I loved spending last summer down there with Mr. D and remembered how active people are and how the local economy encourages it!
What's been keeping me busy... I did manage to finish real estate school, and have applied for the state licensing exam. I am awaiting my test date in the next few weeks. I have a new set that I am working on, a short film about jazz legends Miles Davis and John Coltrane. I am very interested in this one as we are filming them recording a legendary album and its all about the music. The prop house excursion alone was an adventure in itself! Have I mentioned my latest career adventure. This one I am extremely excited about... in fact it could become my dream job, that is of course if it becomes profitable for me! This one requires it's own paragraph along with some explanations!
I have a dear friend who contacted me the later part of December with a proposition. Earlier last year he purchased a portion of a record label. As it is moving into it's second year of business, the goal of the label is to open a licensing division to generate more revenue through music placement in all media forms. My friend was kind enough to offer me the position of running this division. He knows I am an avid music fan, he also knows of my desires to leave my current company, and I happen to be local to the area of the industry. How perfect could this be... right! Me selling music...hello... I have slung enough boy toys to last me to eternity and have absolutely no passion nor knowledge of that industry... but me and MUSIC... that stuff runs through my veins! There is only one catch... Mr. P owns the label. I know, I know, I know.... if you've read in any length this blog then you obviously know who that is and can only imagine what it's doing to me. I am praying I become so sick of hearing his voice and seeing his face that I can finally get the damn closure I needed to get over him! But who am I kidding! All joking aside it has been pretty easy thus far... the Mr. P part I mean. For the most part it's all work as we both have desires of making a shit ton of money! The job stuff is just getting underway. I am in the process of making connections with several media outlets from music supervisors to agencies that supply music. There is the occasional banter from Mr. P, I think he feels the need to boost my morale, not sure why?!? It will be nice years down the road to look back at all of this and say... "remember when", shake our heads and laugh... but for now, no one has come remotely close to filling shoes... and since I've put "that" on hold it is apparent. Anyhow enough about Mr. P... I am ecstatic about the opportunity... and pray that it becomes a full time career... it is something I would have never imagined but am loving it
So there you have it... (Kelly)! It's 2012, I am still single... (cant believe you asked that one).... still living "here".... and still working "there"....
BUT... it's a new year .... and my slate is clean! Time to get it dirty :-)
I managed to get through December and the holidays fairly unscathed. It was my first Christmas without my daughter.. and sister.. and brother for that matter. Since it had become so foreign to not only me, but my parents as well, we decided it was best to do something we have never done before, that way we wouldn't all three pout! We celebrated Christmas a day early and at my house. My parents actually came and stayed with me for 5 days.. and yes folks that's a record! We were social to say the least... we had dinner with friends every night! We celebrated Christmas Eve on Friday and had our Christmas morning on Saturday, in order to share our traditions with Kayden. Then we shipped her off to her dads and that was that.
New Year's was less eventful. I had every intention of going somewhere... OUT of town and doing something... Needless to say it was another New Years Eve with no one to kiss... well except my beautiful daughter. This year, hopefully that will change, but I am not putting any pressure on me!
I have been so busy the last six months since I have taken dating out of my equation. My intentions were to get prepped and prepared for the changes I expect to happen in 2012. and mentally I am getting there. To be honest I put too much focus in 2010 and 11 on dating and finding my perfect recipe, almost to the point of me looking desperate... and guess what... I'm not! I am alone, but not lonely... well not all of the time! I've stopped looking and have found plenty to keep me busy. Hopefully at some point this year I will get back to working on that and experiencing love again. I do have so much to share and would love the right someone to share it with. But for now I am focusing on moving OUT of my current area and creating my next life.
Why am I so focused on moving... I keep getting people asking me this question. Well for one... I moved to this town when I was young and houses were cheap! I made a great profit on my first property and somehow managed to bankroll that into the next. This is a lovely area for families... this town wreaks of soccer moms! While I am an extremely involved parent in my daughters life... from tennis club... to classroom reading groups... to running club... I am there... but I am NOT a soccer mom! I am the "divorced" mom... and mind you the only one in the second grade! This area is for families and I no longer fit the mold. On any given weekend night at the local bars and restaurants there are NO possible suitors! That is of course unless I was interested in a 20 something year old guy who drives a big lifted truck, wears his black flat billed hat with his black socks and shoes! Uh... "she said NO"! The professional grown men here are all married. And not that I am all about trolling the bars... because those of you that know me... know I obviously have NO game and that's NOT me! I am interested in socializing with my peers... other single women.. and adult professional men! Not to mention running into the home wrecker girlfriend in the toothpaste aisle at the market and now at the gym is getting old! Time for me to relocate. My plan by summertime is to be back in the OC... I'd love the beach but not sure whats in the budget, so most likely back to Costa Mesa.... which is peachy with me! I loved spending last summer down there with Mr. D and remembered how active people are and how the local economy encourages it!
What's been keeping me busy... I did manage to finish real estate school, and have applied for the state licensing exam. I am awaiting my test date in the next few weeks. I have a new set that I am working on, a short film about jazz legends Miles Davis and John Coltrane. I am very interested in this one as we are filming them recording a legendary album and its all about the music. The prop house excursion alone was an adventure in itself! Have I mentioned my latest career adventure. This one I am extremely excited about... in fact it could become my dream job, that is of course if it becomes profitable for me! This one requires it's own paragraph along with some explanations!
I have a dear friend who contacted me the later part of December with a proposition. Earlier last year he purchased a portion of a record label. As it is moving into it's second year of business, the goal of the label is to open a licensing division to generate more revenue through music placement in all media forms. My friend was kind enough to offer me the position of running this division. He knows I am an avid music fan, he also knows of my desires to leave my current company, and I happen to be local to the area of the industry. How perfect could this be... right! Me selling music...hello... I have slung enough boy toys to last me to eternity and have absolutely no passion nor knowledge of that industry... but me and MUSIC... that stuff runs through my veins! There is only one catch... Mr. P owns the label. I know, I know, I know.... if you've read in any length this blog then you obviously know who that is and can only imagine what it's doing to me. I am praying I become so sick of hearing his voice and seeing his face that I can finally get the damn closure I needed to get over him! But who am I kidding! All joking aside it has been pretty easy thus far... the Mr. P part I mean. For the most part it's all work as we both have desires of making a shit ton of money! The job stuff is just getting underway. I am in the process of making connections with several media outlets from music supervisors to agencies that supply music. There is the occasional banter from Mr. P, I think he feels the need to boost my morale, not sure why?!? It will be nice years down the road to look back at all of this and say... "remember when", shake our heads and laugh... but for now, no one has come remotely close to filling shoes... and since I've put "that" on hold it is apparent. Anyhow enough about Mr. P... I am ecstatic about the opportunity... and pray that it becomes a full time career... it is something I would have never imagined but am loving it
So there you have it... (Kelly)! It's 2012, I am still single... (cant believe you asked that one).... still living "here".... and still working "there"....
BUT... it's a new year .... and my slate is clean! Time to get it dirty :-)
Friday, January 20, 2012
Say Cheese...
Apparently my smiles have been a little lack luster the past few weeks... so I dug up some photos proving I am still having a good time! The one on the left was two weeks ago when I went sailing for the first time. It was an incredible day off the coast of Newport Beach. I sat on the bow of the boat with my feet dangling over while dolphins frolicked below. Such a needed day of tranquility.
The one on the left was "last Friday night"... but we didn't dance on tabletops or take too many shots... Darn Allissa being pregnant! Not worried... she's got 10 months to make up to me. Plus I love babies and she has promised to share!
I really do have so much more to say.... and tell.... but really am trying to put it in to words. Hopefully tonight something will come together... *fingers crossed, but no promises*
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
So....
So I've been meaning to write... really and truly I have. In fact yesterday I came so close to actually posting, mind you it was with the help of some coerced dictation! But I just couldn't do it, or finish it.
Then tonight... I am all alone as it is my solo night. I make dinner, get all snuggly on the sofa and pick what I anticipate to be a wonderful love story movie. Now after 2 hours of watching these two people spend the last twenty years of their lives as friends who are never in love with one another at the same time... to finely figure it out.... and then WHAM.. she get's hit by a bus! What the heck... note to self, pick a damn comedy next time! Needless to say I cried and that was not the therapy session I was going for tonight, but it has managed to get me back to my blog and start writing.
More to come...
Saturday, December 10, 2011
My Beautiful Girls
I spent a lovely day at the beach a few weeks ago with my girls which resulted in our first holiday card. I know I am partial, but I do have beautiful daughters... just thought I'd share.
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Not so little brother...
So the cutie next to me is my not so little... lil' brother. He happened to pop in the door late afternoon, just before dinner on Thanksgiving. It has been almost a year since I last saw his baby face. He is enlisted in the US Navy and has been away at school for nearly two years. The little terd-ball made me cry, apparently the reaction he was hoping to get! We had a great few days together and squeezed in another "cousins annual outing" that Friday night. Each year there is a new victim, and with me being the eldest, luckily mine has passed!
Another wonderful Thanksgiving, (with the exception of my sister being abroad) Truly amazing friends and family surround my heart.
(awesome picture by the way in the backseat of the car... NOT, but I take what I get!)
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