82 days to go...

Day 283 - It is nearly official, well at least according to the post master general! We completed the second floor move last night, now all that is left is the third floor which consists of the two bedrooms. All in all it has been fairly easy. My body is bruised and battered and my knees ache, but hey I do make for a pretty cute moving gal! My partner in all of this moving has been Cesar, who also is my salsa partner! Thank goodness his wife is such a great lady, I've been working him at the shop till 4 and then moving me till 7 the past two days. Today will be the final load, then I will start the cleaning of this place then on to unpacking my many boxes. Seriously, why is the kitchen the worst room in the house?!?

83 days to go...

Day 282 - Can't sleep.... and really should be, I've got a ton on my mind. I started the move last night after work. Did one full load of the work van and trailer, which consisted of two sofas and the entire garage. Boy do I have a ton of stuff! Can't wait to be done with this and settled into my new place, I sure hope it is as good of a fit as this place was.

I guess I went a little overboard with my "fridge" analogy. Some people just don't get my humor, or lack there of! I must have just been in a silly mood and a little excited over my find. Not only did I get my fridge that night, I also happened to meet up and have dinner with my latest interest.

I am interested... enough said. I am trying very hard not to over think or analyze this one too much. Luckily I have been plenty busy with my move, making that easier. There is just something about him that almost seems too good to be true, and that scares me. He has so many of the characteristics I am looking for, not to mention is HERE and available! There is no act being played by either of us, we get to be ourselves. My dearest girlfriend has thought for years about the two of us, and she knows both of us to the core. She has seen the ups and downs of each of our lives, and I think strategically waited till she felt we were ready. Hopefully I will get moved in and settled soon, and see if or where this may go. For now I am a bit preoccupied.

Your world sparkles when someone smiles or embraces you. Maybe it's a promise, maybe it's just playing - what do you care? Just lose yourself in the moment and carry the memory with you later. If you ever have troubles with this or any other lover, don't forget what it feels like to be wanted. Yes, there's more to love than desire, but that kind of satisfaction is a reminder that can always stay with you.

85 days to go...

Day 280 - A little birdie said I was taking too long to post, need I remind her I am in the middle of moving, and currently pirating off of my neighbors wi-fi!

With my upcoming move I am in need of a refrigerator, and in needing so, I have determined my life is much like shopping for appliances.... Sad analogy but here goes, let's just hope I get my point across and do it justice!

For the past year I have been in living in a great condo, equipped with absolutely beautiful state of the art appliances. I have become accustomed to their individual features and almost dependent on them. We all know I love food, but in my family there wasn't always enough room in the kitchen for me to cook, I usually was put on the aesthetics committee or desserts. This kitchen brought the cook out of me, it is still young and learning, but I have spent the last year getting my dishes dirty!

I have been researching fridges for nearly 4 weeks, checking online sales and visiting local shops. The problem is, I know what I want, and know I can't have it (so like my life)! And why can't I have it... I'm moving to a rental, it's not my final place, who knows the longevity, and I have NO business spending absurd amounts of money on this appliance, especially when there are such extreme ranges on prices. At some point I turned to craigslist... and last night completed my first purchase. Now craigslist is all about strategic planning and compromise. It was a means to get close to what I want, and only sacrifice a few luxuries. I really had simple requests, but for some reason they were the few items that kept bringing the price up... I wanted a bottom freezer, cabinet depth, and an internal water dispenser. It could be black or stainless, that wasn't a requirement, the others were.

So I went out on my quest, searching for my perfect combo... my "recipe" of items that would make me happy! I broadened my buying area to obviously increase my chances of finding the perfect match. Last week I got really close, I found exactly what I was looking for, but of course no response from the seller. This quickly became a game of timing, I had to be one of the first ones calling, and flexible with my schedule, if I didn't show up cash in hand... the unit was gone to the next guy. This was serious business! I actually went out of town this weekend and totally ruined my chances on a few great models, lesson learned! Yesterday I printed at least 15 contenders... called and emailed the sellers and got a response from a few. I organized my findings first by price, then started narrowing in based on my "requirements", what was I willing to forgo to keep within my budget... and low and behold... there it was, my perfect recipe... well almost!

Next was the challenge of safety, here I am a single, fairly attractive woman, headed to the barrios of Santa Ana to check out a refrigerator some guy has in his garage! My girlfriend said I was absolutely crazy and that I needed to take a guy with me. As if I have a rolodex available for my liking, if that were the case I probably wouldn't be so enthralled with fridge shopping! Needless to say I took all safety measures available and bought the darn thing... it gets delivered on Wednesday. Lets just hope the unit works if not, I know where the guy lives, along with several other scary looking guys!

The point of my rambling... and boy did I have plenty to say, is deep down I know what I want, and what I am willing to sacrifice. I put a considerable amount of time and energy into this damn task, it was important to me.

Now if I would just do the same with my own life I am bound to find the perfect one... If only everyone was on craigslist and in my budget!

92 days to go...

Day 273 - OK... I put my finger on the neighbor, not literally of course! I'm simply not physically attracted to him. I've gone over it again and again and it's just not there. I thought eventually I would see past it, but that doesn't seem to be the case. He's a terrific guy without any faults (I have yet to find), I simply cannot get around the superficial stuff.... Does that make me shallow? I'm going to answer my own darn question.... absolutely not! This is about me and finding the one... I do not have to settle and it's not a race. I've got all of the time in the world. I keep finding more and more qualities and characteristics to add to my "recipe"... but physical attraction is most definitely staying! For now I will keep one more male on the friend column, luckily I was upfront with him in this area, and basically nothing will change.

Last night was an interesting night... I went on a date, and a fabulous one for that matter. A little background before I give you the details... I've known this guy for a few years, one of those friend of a friend kind of acquaintances. We see each other at birthday parties and social gatherings and have for the past 3 years. I met him pre-separation, but post affair. The possibility has always been there but I think our friends have been hesitant, probably wanting to protect each of us in their own way. He is a musician, a drummer to be exact, and when touring is obviously away. He's very easy on the eyes and I am sure has plenty of "lady friends, aka groupies"! We reconnected a few weekends ago at the Master's party my friends host, and a few days later he called me to chat. Last night we headed to LA and had an incredible seafood dinner, accompanied with wonderful wines and champagne. We met up with a few of his friends for dinner, and then headed over to a comedy show at a small theater. It was definitely an "LA" kinda night, the show didn't even start until 11pm! This suburb mom was a tad out of her element but managed to survive and to top it off had a great time. We chatted the entire time... mainly about food, music and our kids. He has a little girl I've met a few times. So for now it seems we are both interested. As far as my recipe goes.... love for music - check, foodie - check, attractive - check... seems like this one is headed in the right direction!

98 days to go...

Day 267 - My love horoscope for today...

"The planetary alignment at play today could slow down the process of getting to know someone special. For some reason your emotions are trickling rather than flowing like a stream. Perhaps this is a good thing, as it gives you a chance to consolidate the relationship so far. You may tend to take yourselves very seriously, but it would be wise not to. Try to do something lighthearted if possible."

Ok so this is definitely referring to my neighbor. We have been getting to know one another more and more lately. He is interested, while I am hesitant. He is ten years my senior, which actually isn't an issue, and to be honest we are having a great time together. The common interests are on par, as well as the intellect, conversation and career goals. As far as my "recipe", for the most part he has all of the ingredients! There is just something, I can't quite put my finger on it. I am taking this one very slow, extremely slow actually. I have been upfront from the beginning, stating I am only in this for the friendship, but I have begun to question things.... This one is very interesting!

100 days to go...

Day 265 - Well it's here, I am down to only 100 days left... Decided to take a jog down memory lane and read the post I wrote for day 100, back in October. It amazes me with how much I have done and how I have grown, in such a short time.

I had a great jam packed weekend. To recap it started with the opening day baseball game with my neighbor on Friday. We had a great night at the game, followed by a nightcap of hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps on the patio of restaurant with fireworks above. Saturday was the "Masters" golf tournament at my friends house. This was I think the third annual, bringing in 26 golfers this time! The guys have a blast golfing in the morning and then meet the ladies back at the house to continue the day with great food, drinks, and comradery. While I enjoy myself every year with this gang, this year I opted out early. My neighbor invited me to another ballgame, this time with his two daughters. We had a great night at the game that managed to go into extra innings! Sunday I finally got my butt back in the gym for an early morning yoga class, followed by a few hours with Mr. G, and dinner at home with the neighbor and our girls. Apparently I had every dinner with my neighbor this weekend! I may need to evaluate this relationship!

I managed to get a little packing done Sunday morning. I finally am looking forward to moving. I've been dreading it for so long, not the actual moving part, but leaving my little townhouse. I liked it here... Obviously it is not ideal when having a small pet, and completely out of the question with my big boys, but for Kayden and I it was great. But the new place is a house, with a small patio, large enough for a table and some chaises... Plenty of room for my gang. Lets hope the rest of my furniture fits! We will be happy there, that I know for sure!

102 days to go...

Day 263 - Its a beautiful Saturday rounding out this week. I am sitting here with a to do list a mile long, trying to figure out what order to put things in. Moving is tough... but we all know that! I should be getting dressed to go over to a party at my friends house, and while I am more than halfway done, I sit here clearing my mind...

This was a good week, an emotional one, but good nonetheless. I got divorced (yay!), and finalized where to move. However, I did manage to skip the gym, every single day. It is strange to say, I am missing my workout routine... random! Note to self.... get back to the gym, it really does make me feel better.

For some reason, I headed to a jeweler this morning to see if he was interested in purchasing my wedding ring. I decided I could sell it and take myself on a trip. I used to think I would never part with it and would eventually give it to Kayden, now I am not so sure. I see it in my jewerly box ever so often. It was a beautiful ring to me... at one point in my life, now its a mix of emotions. If I could only get over the anger and resentment, maybe I could keep it and remember the positive memories. I did manage to turn in some random gold jewelry I haven't worn in 20 years, mainly stuff from my Texas days. I came home with a $700 check! How's that for a Saturday!

Now the truth to the random clearing of my head.... this darn countdown..... In the beginning I was so eager to see this year fly by. It's as if I had some sort of prize waiting at the end, and in my little heart I felt as if I did. Now that I am approaching 100 days... I kind of want it to stop and slow down. Unfortunatley for me I have so much coming up these next few months, the time is going to fly by. I am going to get to the middle of July... and break my own damn heart! My dear friend... (oh who am I kidding), the man who has captured my thoughts and emotions for the past year is the one who asked me to take this year to myself. I suppose it was so I would move on and find someone or something else... and while the year is not up... I sit here thinking about him daily. I think about the "ifs and whens" and will it ever actually be, yet deep down I know it probably won't. Needless to say... I am going to be heart broken in July when I come to the end of my 365 days... and it happens to be just another day. Sometimes reality is not fair! For now I have to keep on living it for 102 more days and see where I end up.... and then what?

104 days to go...

Day 261 - It's official, I am FINALLY divorced. While I am ecstatic to have that chapter done and closed, it still is difficult to find joy in failure, especially when I have these beautiful little blues eyes to look at everyday and be thankful for. Now it's time to keep doing what I've been doing, enjoying life, finding myself, building relationships and truly living. If only I had more money to really live it up!

I had a wonderful evening of celebrations the other night. It was a mix of ladies who have crossed my life the past 10 years, some married, some divorced and a few who've never been down the aisle. All of which, who are in agreeance I deserve so much more than what I previously settled for. For now I am still taking notes.... picking a little something here, and a little something there, characteristics and qualities I am looking for in my next mate. It's like I am creating my own personalized recipe. While I am not going for perfection.... presentation counts, as does flavor! I know he is out there, fingers crossed he is looking for me.

Other than that, not much new on the home front. I've been socializing with my neighbor more and more lately. We have shared a couple of dinners at his place and mine. I truly enjoy his company and conversations, I only hope he doesn't get frustrated with me not wanting more. I was upfront in the beginning stating I did not think we should date. I feel he is too incredible of a person and we both have so much to gain from one another, we simply need take our time and just get to know each other. Friends for now... If something more ever comes it will be much later down the road. For now we have "faux" dates! Tomorrow we are heading to opening day for the Angels. Should be fun, just hoping I don't think too much about Mr. P, he was the last one I went to a game with there!