Day 159 - I have had so much to write these past few days, and such writer's block...
There have been so many random thoughts running through my head, not to mention it is 3 days before Christmas. I would love to blame it on last minute holiday stuff, but for once that is not the case, this year I am prepared! (well with the physical stuff, not necessarily the emotional!) It doesn't help that a certain someone has decided to "catch up on my blog"!
My holiday gathering Saturday night was perfect. I had about 17 people over, which actually was a great size considering my place is much smaller than my last! Everyone mingled well, and truly enjoyed themselves. For that I am thankful, along with the last minute chores my friends helped me finish! All in all it was a great group, with great food and drinks. I am glad I decided so last minute to throw something together, it definitely helped to boost my mood. I forget how much of a people pleaser I am, I love to entertain and host!
We are now down to the countdown of Christmas. While I am looking forward to trekking up north to spend Christmas with my family, I do feel guilt for Kayden. Why I am the one who feels the guilt, who knows! This is the first time in at least 13 years for me to wake up with my family and spend Christmas Eve and day with them. Kaley has flown in from Paris and Brian is home from South Carolina. We will all be together, I am truly excited, and can't wait to get up there. And of course my mother is thrilled to have her entire gang together! However, with that joy comes the reality that this is the first time in Kayden's life she will not be with both of her parents on Christmas morning. Clint has been giving me a hard time about this. Apparently he expected me to stay in town and do Christmas morning at my place with Kayden, and then have her go to his house, and THEN have me drive to the ranch. Fortunately for me... he NO longer calls the shots in my world! I allowed him to set the rules when it came to our family and this holiday in the past. We always woke up at our home, then headed to his parents for presents and breakfast... and then I did the 5 hour drive north and spent the remainder of the holiday with my family... It was never ideal, but I made it work. This year I had no interest in waking up in my townhouse with just myself and Kayden, I am going to be with my family!
Rylee has become distant with me recently. She does this from time to time, it is sad to say but she is somewhat of a people user. She is all attentive as long as you are fulfilling a need for her, but quickly moves on to the next individual, pretty typical for a teenager in her circumstance. It is crazy for me to think back at all of the Christmas' I have spent with her from her very first one at 9 months to now at 15. The first one I hardly knew her, but since then I have done every detail of making her Christmas special. She was my first child and I her only Santa! While I still have tons of presents for her under my tree, I have no idea when I will get to see her. I passed on every tradition my mother did with me to Rylee. I hope when she is older she will realize this and treasure the memories we all had together. I hate the fact that the girls are being split up this year. I wanted to have Rylee with us, and us three wear our silly pajamas! But the reality of it is, I am not her parent. She will be with her dad.
I am not sure how much time I will have in the next few days to write. Everyone will be busy with family and traditions. I too will be busy with my family. I just keep thinking that in a few days this year will be over. What a year it has been, such highs and such lows. So many milestones in my life in such a short time span. So many losses, and yet so many gains. I lost my father this year, and closed the chapter on my marriage. I lost my family and my home, and yet have created a new home for my new family, both much smaller! I've fallen in love and had my heartbroken. I've dug deep to find myself and now know I am strong enough to get through anything. Apparently the writer's block is a non issue as I could go on and on... but I think this post is long enough! I will spew out more later!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
209 days to go...
Day 156 - Christmas is almost here, this year it seems to be flying by... could be the fact that I only put my tree up a week ago!
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
214 days to go
Day 151 - I did it! I was having a crappy morning at work. And for some lame reason I am feeling a tad bit "overly" emotional today. So, to balance things off I sent out the invitation to my last minute cocktail party! I am fairly certain most people already have all of their December weekends booked, but what the heck. I am tired of my pity party mood, so there! I think what is pissing me off is Clint keeps having people over and entertaining in MY house. He used to complain about me always inviting people over and now look at him, jackass!
**fingers crossed my sister gets off the plane from Paris and is in the mood to come over and help me** (pretty please)
**fingers crossed my sister gets off the plane from Paris and is in the mood to come over and help me** (pretty please)
Monday, December 13, 2010
215 days to go...
Day 150 - I owe a special thanks to my sister for insisting I get a damn tree, and one to Melyssa for helping me decorate it! My poor daughter was starting to wonder... Generally I am overly festive, but this year has been tough to say the least! However, the tree is now up, the lights outside are hung, garland is lit, and now I think I will invite some people over for a cocktail!
My little love fest for Bella continues! She now appears to be a permenant fixture at our house. I'm starting to think Clint actually bought the puppy for me. As much of an ass that he is, he does know me after 15 years, and probably could sense all of the baby angst I was going through. Not to mention the guilt he has for Kayden, and, in my opinion, his attempt to buy her affection. Now how the hell am I supposed to take care of a new puppy? Who knows..., but she is damn cute! As sick as it may sound, I like having someone depend on me. My little girl is so grown up now, she is down to the basic needs! Bella needs to be parented, and I need to parent! So far it is a good mix, as much as I would hate for my mother to read this post, (I can hear her now "You have no business owning a dog right now"...) I really like her and she makes me happy. This weekend the companionship alone was enough! Plus who doesn't just love someone to snuggle next to at night who snores! OK, I promise I won't turn in to some crazy dog lady, but at least now I am not so desperate for a man. I just needed a little companion.
My little love fest for Bella continues! She now appears to be a permenant fixture at our house. I'm starting to think Clint actually bought the puppy for me. As much of an ass that he is, he does know me after 15 years, and probably could sense all of the baby angst I was going through. Not to mention the guilt he has for Kayden, and, in my opinion, his attempt to buy her affection. Now how the hell am I supposed to take care of a new puppy? Who knows..., but she is damn cute! As sick as it may sound, I like having someone depend on me. My little girl is so grown up now, she is down to the basic needs! Bella needs to be parented, and I need to parent! So far it is a good mix, as much as I would hate for my mother to read this post, (I can hear her now "You have no business owning a dog right now"...) I really like her and she makes me happy. This weekend the companionship alone was enough! Plus who doesn't just love someone to snuggle next to at night who snores! OK, I promise I won't turn in to some crazy dog lady, but at least now I am not so desperate for a man. I just needed a little companion.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
220 days to go...
Day 145 - I decided I needed to get my mid week post in. So far this week has been interesting. I had a great lunch with some college girlfriends on Sunday (hadn't seen in over a year). Monday my company appeared on an international reality show. And Tuesday I fell in love... well I guess you could call it that!
Kayden's Christmas present from her Dad arrived early. She is now the proud parent to a 15lb, 5 month old, French Bulldog, whom she has named Bella. While this was supposed to be a gift for daddy's house, Bella did get to spend her first night with us. This is where the love comes into play! Between my friends, four babies were born this past week. The baby urge is thriving! Looks like I will just suffice it with a cute little puppy...
Kayden's Christmas present from her Dad arrived early. She is now the proud parent to a 15lb, 5 month old, French Bulldog, whom she has named Bella. While this was supposed to be a gift for daddy's house, Bella did get to spend her first night with us. This is where the love comes into play! Between my friends, four babies were born this past week. The baby urge is thriving! Looks like I will just suffice it with a cute little puppy...
Saturday, December 4, 2010
224 days to go...
Day 141 - The week after Thanksgiving is always a puzzling one, your stomach has to reduce itself to its normal size. This week was no different than any other. Sent the daughter back to school after being off for a month, and tried to increase the gym visits. Didn't necessarily strive at either! BUT, I did have a fantastic night on Wednesday with my girlfriend at our second annual Nordstrom's Ladies Night. I mean please, what woman doesn't love champagne, hors d'oeuvres, live music and shopping! Oh and yes petite desserts! It was terrific, we practically were escorted out at midnight! What we women do for double reward points.... hehe!
Tonight I am headed out for a date... haven't actually been on one of those in a few months. This one sounds to be holiday inspired. I think we are doing dinner and a little ice skating. Let's just hope those ice skating lessons I took in high school finally pay off!
I am doing my best to stay positive and try to enjoy the holiday season. Easier said than done, this year it's just not the same... No house, no fireplace, and no sister to help cheer me up and decorate! I'll get through it, just have to make it to December 18th!
Tonight I am headed out for a date... haven't actually been on one of those in a few months. This one sounds to be holiday inspired. I think we are doing dinner and a little ice skating. Let's just hope those ice skating lessons I took in high school finally pay off!
I am doing my best to stay positive and try to enjoy the holiday season. Easier said than done, this year it's just not the same... No house, no fireplace, and no sister to help cheer me up and decorate! I'll get through it, just have to make it to December 18th!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
228 days to go...
Day 137 - OK... today was tougher than normal emotionally. These darn approaching holidays are starting to wreak havoc on my already chaotic life!
Normally I am BIG into this time of year... I can't wait to program all of the Christmas stations on my radio. I dig out all of my holiday Cd's and stream holiday music at work. I look forward to baking and decorating, and can't wait to shop. I absolutely love buying presents, I put so much effort into what I think people will really like, and am eager to see their expressions. I love the storefronts and the carolers, the cold weather and SCARFS! Basically to me "it is the most wonderful time of the year"! While I am 90% done shopping (still have a few odds and ends to pick up), and have already programmed my stations, something tonight hit me that I have been avoiding. This year is just plain different.
My overly in-tuned six year old, quietly sitting in the backseat of the car asks this evening, "Mom, why do I have to have 2 Christmas'. Why can't you just come home and we all be together like a family again?"......... Uhhhhhh, I nearly crashed my car! I proceeded to tell her that, "Unfortunately things are different this year. Our family isn't that type of family any longer, but lucky for her she will get to do all of our favorite things twice and get loads of presents." She wasn't swayed in the least bit. She then asked why I couldn't just spend one night at daddy's house and try sleeping in the guest room like I used to do.... ,just for her. "That's all she wants, is to be a family again." At that point a burst into tears, riddled with guilt. I told her she needed to discuss this with her father, that unfortunately mommy wasn't the best parent for this conversation. She then said she couldn't, that it would make her too embarrassed. My word have we created a mess.
I have spent so many years creating traditions, for me, my girls, my family. Tonight those traditions made me angry. And yet, in typical fashion, as I vent to my keyboard things tend to slide into place. Earlier I was angry at the way I made the whole family pile into the car, hot chocolates in tow, and caravan with my ex-family throughout the well lit neighborhoods. This will not be happening this year... I was angry at the numerous years where each Christmas eve I have the girls open one gift, which ALWAYS is a new pair of pajamas, with the past few years us all three matching in some ridiculous set! This too will not be happening this year as my girls will be separated. I could go on and on... but I'm done with it. I was about to throw my traditions out the window, but have since decided they DO matter. And somehow, someway I will carry them on. They are me, maybe this year they will be a bit broken and tattered... but in time they will heal.
I have no clue why I thought this would be hard for me and not her. She responded so well with our move nearly nine months ago, I thought all was well. Apparently not, she too misses our family, and the life she used to have.
Not to mention my sister being in Paris... she was always my partner in crime this time of year!
Normally I am BIG into this time of year... I can't wait to program all of the Christmas stations on my radio. I dig out all of my holiday Cd's and stream holiday music at work. I look forward to baking and decorating, and can't wait to shop. I absolutely love buying presents, I put so much effort into what I think people will really like, and am eager to see their expressions. I love the storefronts and the carolers, the cold weather and SCARFS! Basically to me "it is the most wonderful time of the year"! While I am 90% done shopping (still have a few odds and ends to pick up), and have already programmed my stations, something tonight hit me that I have been avoiding. This year is just plain different.
My overly in-tuned six year old, quietly sitting in the backseat of the car asks this evening, "Mom, why do I have to have 2 Christmas'. Why can't you just come home and we all be together like a family again?"......... Uhhhhhh, I nearly crashed my car! I proceeded to tell her that, "Unfortunately things are different this year. Our family isn't that type of family any longer, but lucky for her she will get to do all of our favorite things twice and get loads of presents." She wasn't swayed in the least bit. She then asked why I couldn't just spend one night at daddy's house and try sleeping in the guest room like I used to do.... ,just for her. "That's all she wants, is to be a family again." At that point a burst into tears, riddled with guilt. I told her she needed to discuss this with her father, that unfortunately mommy wasn't the best parent for this conversation. She then said she couldn't, that it would make her too embarrassed. My word have we created a mess.
I have spent so many years creating traditions, for me, my girls, my family. Tonight those traditions made me angry. And yet, in typical fashion, as I vent to my keyboard things tend to slide into place. Earlier I was angry at the way I made the whole family pile into the car, hot chocolates in tow, and caravan with my ex-family throughout the well lit neighborhoods. This will not be happening this year... I was angry at the numerous years where each Christmas eve I have the girls open one gift, which ALWAYS is a new pair of pajamas, with the past few years us all three matching in some ridiculous set! This too will not be happening this year as my girls will be separated. I could go on and on... but I'm done with it. I was about to throw my traditions out the window, but have since decided they DO matter. And somehow, someway I will carry them on. They are me, maybe this year they will be a bit broken and tattered... but in time they will heal.
I have no clue why I thought this would be hard for me and not her. She responded so well with our move nearly nine months ago, I thought all was well. Apparently not, she too misses our family, and the life she used to have.
Not to mention my sister being in Paris... she was always my partner in crime this time of year!
Monday, November 29, 2010
229 days to go...
Day 136 - Nothing notable today, other than the usual garbage! Just thought I would share a pic of "Cousins Night 2010". What a fun bunch!
Sunday, November 28, 2010
230 days to go...
Day 135 - I guess I will start with a quick update and then on to the topic that's been running through my mind all day. I just crawled in to bed after an exciting week of family and friends. I have spent the past several days up at the ranch for the annual Thanksgiving event. This is more than a day of thanks with family and friends, but rather a four day extravaganza of food, wine and terrific company. I always have a wonderful time up there when all of the cousins arrive and we "party" in the barn! Not to mention, two days prior to me going to the ranch, I was in Texas with my other "families" having an incredible time with all of my loves there. I truly am blessed to have these people in my life.
Now on to what has captivated my thoughts... two things I keep bouncing back and forth. First, my best friend is set to deliver her second child tomorrow. I am so happy and excited for her, especially knowing how hard her pregnancies have been in the past. I started to think of all of my friends and their families, and how the majority have had their second child. The past 6 months I think I have attended at least 6 baby showers. Mind you, you don't always have a shower if it isn't your first child. There have been at least 15 beautiful babies! I am at the stage in life where your supposed to be expanding your family and I am nowhere near that... and I don't mean that in an emotional way. Kayden keeps asking for a brother or sister, she too wants our family to grow! This is something I came to peace with months ago, that I may never have another child... but today, it has been at the forefront of my thoughts.
The second is completely on the opposite end of the spectrum, and yet it too is something I've been mulling over! My dearest sister and my cousin have both uprooted their lives and are on their way to something new and exciting. My sister with her international journey to Paris to attend school and change her career path. And now my cousin has decided to pack up and move to a small coastal town. In fact I just had a girlfriend do the same thing and move completely across the states to the east coast. I love the freedom and guts these ladies have, I am somewhat envious! I keep coming up with excuses to stay where I am at but hopefully I am starting to run out!
Anyways... that's what I've been thinking about today. I can only imagine what tomorrow has to offer!
Now on to what has captivated my thoughts... two things I keep bouncing back and forth. First, my best friend is set to deliver her second child tomorrow. I am so happy and excited for her, especially knowing how hard her pregnancies have been in the past. I started to think of all of my friends and their families, and how the majority have had their second child. The past 6 months I think I have attended at least 6 baby showers. Mind you, you don't always have a shower if it isn't your first child. There have been at least 15 beautiful babies! I am at the stage in life where your supposed to be expanding your family and I am nowhere near that... and I don't mean that in an emotional way. Kayden keeps asking for a brother or sister, she too wants our family to grow! This is something I came to peace with months ago, that I may never have another child... but today, it has been at the forefront of my thoughts.
The second is completely on the opposite end of the spectrum, and yet it too is something I've been mulling over! My dearest sister and my cousin have both uprooted their lives and are on their way to something new and exciting. My sister with her international journey to Paris to attend school and change her career path. And now my cousin has decided to pack up and move to a small coastal town. In fact I just had a girlfriend do the same thing and move completely across the states to the east coast. I love the freedom and guts these ladies have, I am somewhat envious! I keep coming up with excuses to stay where I am at but hopefully I am starting to run out!
Anyways... that's what I've been thinking about today. I can only imagine what tomorrow has to offer!
Monday, November 22, 2010
236 days to go...
Day 129 - My Texas trip has come to an end. As I pack to return home I'm starting to feel more lost in my relationships. It is overly apparent I am just not into Mr. M, which totally bites. He really is a nice guy, I just don't have the mental connection with him I so desperately crave. I thoroughly enjoy his company, and by all means liked the attention and companionship, but know he wants more out of this than I can give. Thankfully I have been upfront and honest with him regarding where I am at in my journey through life. He definitely clinched on to me a bit too quickly and that may have some bearing on how I feel today. I am hoping he will continue to be my friend, but fear that may be uncomfortable for him. Time will tell, I'm sure of that.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
240 days to go...
Day 125 - Seriously why is my stomach in knots? It's just a quick trip to Texas to see the family, service an account, and a job interview. The hands and feet are not cooperating!
Get out of my head.........!
Get out of my head.........!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
241 days to go...
Day 124 - I keep thinking I should rename this blog... instead of 365 days of Amber, it should be 52 weeks! I just can't seem to put enough time aside to write more frequently. Not too much has happened in the last week, only a few highlights to share.
In my last post I mentioned Mr. M had sensed something was looming... he stopped by on Thursday to "pick up his belongings" that had been left at my house, basically I was being dumped! He was not too happy with me and the lack of time we had spent together the past few weeks. I had to sit him down and tell him that I was not in the market to jump into a serious relationship. I enjoy his companionship, however I am just getting out of a 14 year relationship, and being that he is the first person I've dated I am not ready to commit. I only have so much time to give and right now he is not going to be at the top of my list. While it may not have been what he wanted to hear, he now understands clearly where I am at. Sometimes you've just got to put men in their place!
Spent the weekend up north, nothing that a few days at the ranch won't cure! On my drive south I pulled off the highway to watch a beautiful sunset on the beach in Santa Barbara. I somehow have to figure out a way to get back to the beach. I love the flow of life and how connected with nature the beach makes me feel.
Tonight I am packing for a quick trip to Texas. I can't wait to get out of here! I lined up an appointment with my current distributor and hopefully a job interview or two! As much as I want to get out of here, or at least say I do, I am starting to sense I always have an excuse as to why I am still here. At some point I will run out of excuses and have to DO something, but for now, baby steps... and exploring my options!
Now with Texas.... hopefully I have crammed enough stuff into my days and won't have time to think of anyone in particular.... oh please, who am I kidding!
In my last post I mentioned Mr. M had sensed something was looming... he stopped by on Thursday to "pick up his belongings" that had been left at my house, basically I was being dumped! He was not too happy with me and the lack of time we had spent together the past few weeks. I had to sit him down and tell him that I was not in the market to jump into a serious relationship. I enjoy his companionship, however I am just getting out of a 14 year relationship, and being that he is the first person I've dated I am not ready to commit. I only have so much time to give and right now he is not going to be at the top of my list. While it may not have been what he wanted to hear, he now understands clearly where I am at. Sometimes you've just got to put men in their place!
Spent the weekend up north, nothing that a few days at the ranch won't cure! On my drive south I pulled off the highway to watch a beautiful sunset on the beach in Santa Barbara. I somehow have to figure out a way to get back to the beach. I love the flow of life and how connected with nature the beach makes me feel.
Tonight I am packing for a quick trip to Texas. I can't wait to get out of here! I lined up an appointment with my current distributor and hopefully a job interview or two! As much as I want to get out of here, or at least say I do, I am starting to sense I always have an excuse as to why I am still here. At some point I will run out of excuses and have to DO something, but for now, baby steps... and exploring my options!
Now with Texas.... hopefully I have crammed enough stuff into my days and won't have time to think of anyone in particular.... oh please, who am I kidding!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
248 days to go...
Day 117 - Looks like I am only squeezing in one post a week. I really need to step up my game! Unfortunately these past few days have been riddled with illnesses. It started on Friday with Kayden getting the flu and continued until yesterday when it knocked me down. Oh to think, I normally get a flu shot and could have spared my body the pain!
Now back to my dating world. I haven't seen Mr. M since Halloween, with the exception of him dropping off some movies for us to watch the other day when Kayden was sick and bumping in to him throughout town. He can tell something is up with me and that I have pulled away. I am not handling this very well, rephrase, I am not being very fair to him. I am distancing myself and he has sensed it. I basically have been avoiding him. I'm not trying to be mean, I am just evading the situation. Maybe it is because I haven't decided what I want. I do know I don't want to hurt Mr. M. I have not been in a position like this in forever and I expect I am not handling it correctly. I didn't expect someone to get so close to me so fast, and believe me he has moved much faster than I have. I need to figure this out, and fast!
Oh and not to mention, it doesn't help that I can't get Mr. P out of my head... darn him!
Now back to my dating world. I haven't seen Mr. M since Halloween, with the exception of him dropping off some movies for us to watch the other day when Kayden was sick and bumping in to him throughout town. He can tell something is up with me and that I have pulled away. I am not handling this very well, rephrase, I am not being very fair to him. I am distancing myself and he has sensed it. I basically have been avoiding him. I'm not trying to be mean, I am just evading the situation. Maybe it is because I haven't decided what I want. I do know I don't want to hurt Mr. M. I have not been in a position like this in forever and I expect I am not handling it correctly. I didn't expect someone to get so close to me so fast, and believe me he has moved much faster than I have. I need to figure this out, and fast!
Oh and not to mention, it doesn't help that I can't get Mr. P out of my head... darn him!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
255 days to go...
Day 110 - So, I made it through Halloween... barely! Kayden's costume was absolutely adorable and completely homemade! (Thanks Allissa for all your work!) Had some friends over for an informal dinner Saturday night, before we headed off to a costume party. Mind you, I have not been to a costume party in..... at least 12 years. I actually went out and purchased a costume along with Allissa and then somehow fabricated the guys costumes. We looked pretty darn cute, and had a great time. Allissa was Alice in Wonderland, with Chris being a playing card, and Mr. M and I were the Mad Hatter and the Queen of Hearts! It was a great group costume. The only problem is now I am band from Jello shooters, apparently I had 1, 2, 3.... or was it 8 too many! So not like me! Managed to survive Sunday and got my little kitty dressed for trick or treating. Last night Kayden and I headed downtown for the annual Dia de los Muertos festival, to celebrate the lives of loved ones who have passed. We stumbled upon it last year with my Dad, after visiting a few museums. He loved how cultural the festival was, and actually we all had a great time. We decided to honor him and try and make it an annual event. We printed out a photo of him alone, and also one of him with Kayden and two ladies in full costumes. Last night I happened to run into one of the ladies in the photo. I showed the picture of her with my dad last year and explained his passing. She decided next year to include him in her altar, to honor and remember him. It was an extremely kind and heartfelt gesture. Needless to say, I had a great time with my daughter, just the two of us, remembering my dad.
I'm starting to rethink my dating situation. It seems to be going too fast for my liking. While I enjoy Mr. M's companionship and all... I don't think I am ready to consider him my boyfriend. I have gotten some pressure from him regarding this topic and I ever so gently tip toed away from it. While technically I am not seeing anyone else, or even talking to anyone else, not sure I am ready for the exclusivity of a relationship. I like this guy, don't get me wrong, but I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Granted while I am not trying to marry myself off, I will eventually be looking for Mr. Right, my life partner and soul mate.
Some days I feel as though I have already found him...
I'm starting to rethink my dating situation. It seems to be going too fast for my liking. While I enjoy Mr. M's companionship and all... I don't think I am ready to consider him my boyfriend. I have gotten some pressure from him regarding this topic and I ever so gently tip toed away from it. While technically I am not seeing anyone else, or even talking to anyone else, not sure I am ready for the exclusivity of a relationship. I like this guy, don't get me wrong, but I don't see myself spending the rest of my life with him. Granted while I am not trying to marry myself off, I will eventually be looking for Mr. Right, my life partner and soul mate.
Some days I feel as though I have already found him...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
263 days to go...
Day 102 - Wow... over a hundred days, almost a third of the way through my year! I guess I could recap how far I have come. When this first began in mid July, I was enamored with Mr. P (to say the least). I could hardly think of anything but him, and to think he was the one who put me up to the this silly challenge, a year to myself to find a boyfriend! I have since gone on a few dates, chatted with a dozen or so guys, and for the most part started dating one person... Mr. M. I was asked to go find a boyfriend for the year, and I have done just that.
Now let's be honest, well I guess I will be the one being honest. I fell.... HARD, for Mr. P. I cannot quite put a finger on the how's and whys, I just did! He grabbed me and I wouldn't let go. I fell for his words, his ideas, his mind... I fell in love with someone I hardly knew, well at least in a present since (does that make sense?). I think mentally we connected and for me it was very real. He could brighten my day with the simplest of words, the smallest gesture. I was so happy with the bits of him I would get each day. In the back of my mind, I knew this was never real. I am a realest, always have been and always will be. I may see or know something isn't what it seems, but as long as I am getting what I want or need out of it I will continue right along. I needed him... I needed the confidence and the attention. He gave me what I needed to get out and start moving forward. For that I am truly thankful. He showed me I could move on, and that I would be able to love someone again. As much as I wanted or want to be with him... we just aren't in the same place. I know what he asked of me in July wasn't a true challenge, but rather a way for me to slowly let go and move on from him. I guess now is time for me to start doing just that. As much as I want to be with you Mr. P, I know the reality of the situation is so far from my wishes... Not a day goes by that I don't hear a song or see something that reminds me of him. My memories will always be fond of him, he got me partially through this crazy year. He put a smile on my face and gave me the courage I needed to move forward. I will always have a place for him in my heart... Even if he does come to town and we don't get to see one another, he will still be my friend!
Now let's be honest, well I guess I will be the one being honest. I fell.... HARD, for Mr. P. I cannot quite put a finger on the how's and whys, I just did! He grabbed me and I wouldn't let go. I fell for his words, his ideas, his mind... I fell in love with someone I hardly knew, well at least in a present since (does that make sense?). I think mentally we connected and for me it was very real. He could brighten my day with the simplest of words, the smallest gesture. I was so happy with the bits of him I would get each day. In the back of my mind, I knew this was never real. I am a realest, always have been and always will be. I may see or know something isn't what it seems, but as long as I am getting what I want or need out of it I will continue right along. I needed him... I needed the confidence and the attention. He gave me what I needed to get out and start moving forward. For that I am truly thankful. He showed me I could move on, and that I would be able to love someone again. As much as I wanted or want to be with him... we just aren't in the same place. I know what he asked of me in July wasn't a true challenge, but rather a way for me to slowly let go and move on from him. I guess now is time for me to start doing just that. As much as I want to be with you Mr. P, I know the reality of the situation is so far from my wishes... Not a day goes by that I don't hear a song or see something that reminds me of him. My memories will always be fond of him, he got me partially through this crazy year. He put a smile on my face and gave me the courage I needed to move forward. I will always have a place for him in my heart... Even if he does come to town and we don't get to see one another, he will still be my friend!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
268 days to go...
Day 97 - It has been over a week since my last post. I keep saying I need to keep up, but I think this delay had more to do with denial and feelings, than a lack of spare time. Last week was supposed to have been an incredible week for me. I should have had the opportunity to see Mr. P after 90 days of not,... but I didn't. Needless to say I wasn't too eager to post about it. I am very proud of myself for not being too readily available and throwing myself out there, but I am still bummed I did not get to see him. Oh well, things did not turn out as I had hoped, but all in all it was still an incredible week I wish to share.
Last, last, Tuesday Mr. P flew into town... I happened to have tickets to the Jack Johnson concert. Conveniently I had an available ticket just in case, and a wonderful cousin as my back up plan. The back up plan turned out to be the better option! I had a terrific time with my cousins, enjoyed incredible music and great company. Wednesday is my night sans child, which tends to be my date night with Mr. M, who too is without child on that day. I can't quite remember what we did or maybe did not do, but I am sure we had a good time. Friday he managed to take the day off so we could spend some time together. We made tentative plans for a day trip but the weather was not as cooperative so we ended up staying local. He proceeded to kick my but at the gym and then made me lunch. That evening we headed out to dinner and a spooky Halloween filled night of ghosts, goblins and haunted houses! He really is a great person who aims to please me, something I am starting to get used to. I do however manage to get the door every time and he gets mad at me! Finished off that week with Rylee for the weekend.
This week was less eventful, but it still took me three days to write what I have so I think I will finish this for now...
Last, last, Tuesday Mr. P flew into town... I happened to have tickets to the Jack Johnson concert. Conveniently I had an available ticket just in case, and a wonderful cousin as my back up plan. The back up plan turned out to be the better option! I had a terrific time with my cousins, enjoyed incredible music and great company. Wednesday is my night sans child, which tends to be my date night with Mr. M, who too is without child on that day. I can't quite remember what we did or maybe did not do, but I am sure we had a good time. Friday he managed to take the day off so we could spend some time together. We made tentative plans for a day trip but the weather was not as cooperative so we ended up staying local. He proceeded to kick my but at the gym and then made me lunch. That evening we headed out to dinner and a spooky Halloween filled night of ghosts, goblins and haunted houses! He really is a great person who aims to please me, something I am starting to get used to. I do however manage to get the door every time and he gets mad at me! Finished off that week with Rylee for the weekend.
This week was less eventful, but it still took me three days to write what I have so I think I will finish this for now...
Sunday, October 10, 2010
279 days to go...
Day 86 - Warning this post may be a tad bit boring and contain too much personal info. Don't say I didn't warn you!
This weekend started off with a great Friday. I took Mr. M to lunch as it was his birthday and it looked as if that was going to be the only time we could squeeze in. Finished off the night having dinner with some girlfriends whom I had not seen in some time. It was nice chatting and catching up, not to mention the sangria was delicioso! Then popped over to another girlfriends house for a nightcap! This is when the conversations got interesting. Needless to say I ended up scheduling my first bikini wax! This is when it gets a bit personal... YIKES,that hurt! I did however manage to survive all awkwardness and I seem to be pleased with the results. Definitely took the client relationship with my esthetician to a whole new level!
Kayden and I were supposed to catch a family birthday, but cooperation didn't seem to be her specialty on Saturday so we missed it. We ended up meeting Mr. M, his daughter and his niece at the pumpkin patch. There is something strange when he is with his daughter... I become more attracted to him. I love the way he interacts with the girls. I have such love for the family dynamic... don't get me wrong, I am not planning my next wedding, but I am attracted to strong family characteristics. The girls had a wonderful, as did myself and Mr. M.
Today was a jammed packed day. Went to the theater for a movie this morning and spent the afternoon on retail returns. Seriously I hit 6 stores... efficiently! Now somewhere in the middle of all that my washer, on spin cycle, managed to knock a bottle of fabric softener off. It proceeded to ooze all over the floor and underneath the oh so heavy washing machine. Normally this would not seem to be to major of an incident... pull the machine out and clean below. However for me, the machine happens to be sitting in a tray since it is on the second floor. I could not manage to get under to clean it. Luckily I am dating an incredible strong and sexy guy... Mr. M to the rescue! Got my mess all cleaned up and as the girls briefly played, we chatted for a bit.
And the interesting part of my weekend.... the conversation about a committed relationship. He flat out asked me "Are you in a committed relationship?" I managed to dodge answering truthfully. Honestly I couldn't answer the question at all... Am I ready for that? Is he the one... well at least for now? This one completely caught me off guard.
This weekend started off with a great Friday. I took Mr. M to lunch as it was his birthday and it looked as if that was going to be the only time we could squeeze in. Finished off the night having dinner with some girlfriends whom I had not seen in some time. It was nice chatting and catching up, not to mention the sangria was delicioso! Then popped over to another girlfriends house for a nightcap! This is when the conversations got interesting. Needless to say I ended up scheduling my first bikini wax! This is when it gets a bit personal... YIKES,that hurt! I did however manage to survive all awkwardness and I seem to be pleased with the results. Definitely took the client relationship with my esthetician to a whole new level!
Kayden and I were supposed to catch a family birthday, but cooperation didn't seem to be her specialty on Saturday so we missed it. We ended up meeting Mr. M, his daughter and his niece at the pumpkin patch. There is something strange when he is with his daughter... I become more attracted to him. I love the way he interacts with the girls. I have such love for the family dynamic... don't get me wrong, I am not planning my next wedding, but I am attracted to strong family characteristics. The girls had a wonderful, as did myself and Mr. M.
Today was a jammed packed day. Went to the theater for a movie this morning and spent the afternoon on retail returns. Seriously I hit 6 stores... efficiently! Now somewhere in the middle of all that my washer, on spin cycle, managed to knock a bottle of fabric softener off. It proceeded to ooze all over the floor and underneath the oh so heavy washing machine. Normally this would not seem to be to major of an incident... pull the machine out and clean below. However for me, the machine happens to be sitting in a tray since it is on the second floor. I could not manage to get under to clean it. Luckily I am dating an incredible strong and sexy guy... Mr. M to the rescue! Got my mess all cleaned up and as the girls briefly played, we chatted for a bit.
And the interesting part of my weekend.... the conversation about a committed relationship. He flat out asked me "Are you in a committed relationship?" I managed to dodge answering truthfully. Honestly I couldn't answer the question at all... Am I ready for that? Is he the one... well at least for now? This one completely caught me off guard.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
280 days to go...
Day 85 - What to tell... oh what to tell!
Let me see... oh yes... I'm still dating Mr. M, he is turning out to be a truly wonderful individual. Sometimes I am afraid he is too nice and I am not going to be able to handle it. I am so accustomed to controlling, self centered men, having someone tend to my wants and desires is definitely throwing me for a loop. With that said, I do enjoy the attention and affection, and am working on taking it all in! What the heck am I complaining about... Right!
Now here is my latest curve ball. Mr. P is coming into town this week. He and I have been chatting briefly these last few weeks. Nothing like it used to be, but I do manage to hang on to every word he sends. His rule to this little challenge was that if either of us was less than 500 miles away all bets were off! So this means (fingers crossed) I get to see him (briefly) one day this week. I can't quite find the words to express what I am feeling about seeing him. It has been 87 days since we last saw one another... but whose counting (oh that would be me!). I think about him often and wonder how things would be if he were here. Sometimes I think I have fantasized these feelings in my head, and that the reality of us dating would be so different. There are so many variables to what we have together... Obviously we are not dating. He lives there and I live here. Our chats are rare... but when we do chat it just "clicks" for me. I know I have a tendency to create scenarios in my head that are the exact opposites of reality... but after not seeing someone for 87 days and still thinking of him the way I do, there has to be something there... Right? I just hope things work out the way I imagine them to be. Somehow this man captured my heart.
Oh and on a side bar... Mr. M does not know about Mr. P... but Mr. P knows about everything. Is that fair, I don't know. I don't ever see Mr. P, so why bring him up. If he happens to start coming around at all, then maybe I will share the information. I am not trying to be dishonest by any means. Any thoughts?
Let me see... oh yes... I'm still dating Mr. M, he is turning out to be a truly wonderful individual. Sometimes I am afraid he is too nice and I am not going to be able to handle it. I am so accustomed to controlling, self centered men, having someone tend to my wants and desires is definitely throwing me for a loop. With that said, I do enjoy the attention and affection, and am working on taking it all in! What the heck am I complaining about... Right!
Now here is my latest curve ball. Mr. P is coming into town this week. He and I have been chatting briefly these last few weeks. Nothing like it used to be, but I do manage to hang on to every word he sends. His rule to this little challenge was that if either of us was less than 500 miles away all bets were off! So this means (fingers crossed) I get to see him (briefly) one day this week. I can't quite find the words to express what I am feeling about seeing him. It has been 87 days since we last saw one another... but whose counting (oh that would be me!). I think about him often and wonder how things would be if he were here. Sometimes I think I have fantasized these feelings in my head, and that the reality of us dating would be so different. There are so many variables to what we have together... Obviously we are not dating. He lives there and I live here. Our chats are rare... but when we do chat it just "clicks" for me. I know I have a tendency to create scenarios in my head that are the exact opposites of reality... but after not seeing someone for 87 days and still thinking of him the way I do, there has to be something there... Right? I just hope things work out the way I imagine them to be. Somehow this man captured my heart.
Oh and on a side bar... Mr. M does not know about Mr. P... but Mr. P knows about everything. Is that fair, I don't know. I don't ever see Mr. P, so why bring him up. If he happens to start coming around at all, then maybe I will share the information. I am not trying to be dishonest by any means. Any thoughts?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
289 days to go....
Day 76 -Catch up time... I am still dating Mr. M, and for the most part the balance of last week was fairly calm... well at least in comparison to some Amber weeks!
Now for the true update on the dating situation... I like Mr. M, I really do, he is a sweet, charming, fun guy. He is definitely a "man's man". He seems to be mingling with my group just fine. We had a great time together on Friday with Allissa and Chris. We met for happy hour and somehow ended up playing a round or two, or maybe three.. of drinking games back at their house. Mr. M seemed very relaxed and appeared to really be enjoying himself. The only problem is, I don't see myself falling in love with this guy. In fact I am starting to feel like there is only one person out there that I will allow myself to be in love with...
That's right... Mr. P. He is back in the picture, well sort of. And in all honesty, as much as I tried to convince myself, he never left my heart or my head, I was lying. I may not have talked about him much, but he's mostly what I think about. We've been chatting a bit more frequently the last few days. Almost swinging back into our old rhythm. It is utterly crazy the closeness I feel to this individual, especially based on the time, or I guess lack there of, that we have spent together. Love is a crazy thing.... strange I know.
(more in the morning)
Now for the true update on the dating situation... I like Mr. M, I really do, he is a sweet, charming, fun guy. He is definitely a "man's man". He seems to be mingling with my group just fine. We had a great time together on Friday with Allissa and Chris. We met for happy hour and somehow ended up playing a round or two, or maybe three.. of drinking games back at their house. Mr. M seemed very relaxed and appeared to really be enjoying himself. The only problem is, I don't see myself falling in love with this guy. In fact I am starting to feel like there is only one person out there that I will allow myself to be in love with...
That's right... Mr. P. He is back in the picture, well sort of. And in all honesty, as much as I tried to convince myself, he never left my heart or my head, I was lying. I may not have talked about him much, but he's mostly what I think about. We've been chatting a bit more frequently the last few days. Almost swinging back into our old rhythm. It is utterly crazy the closeness I feel to this individual, especially based on the time, or I guess lack there of, that we have spent together. Love is a crazy thing.... strange I know.
(more in the morning)
Thursday, September 23, 2010
296 days to go...
Day 69 - I am exhausted.... didn't sleep well last night. I was up first thing this morning and in the office by 7am! I am enjoying my new office environment with the exception of not being as close to home. I liked going home for lunch, as simple as it may sound it was quiet and peaceful, and I could do laundry or dishes! Needless to say, today is dragging on.
I had a nice date last night... First we went and lifted a little weights than headed out for a run. I like being with someone athletic, it is definitley encouraging and leans towards a productive date! When we got back I took a quick shower while he finished making dinner. He braved one of my favorite dishes.... chicken tikka masala! Pretty impressive I might add. I think it only took him two days to make and I'm pretty confident the curry smell should go away in 2 to 3 days! Gotta love it.
Hoping the rest of the week well be nice and quiet....
I had a nice date last night... First we went and lifted a little weights than headed out for a run. I like being with someone athletic, it is definitley encouraging and leans towards a productive date! When we got back I took a quick shower while he finished making dinner. He braved one of my favorite dishes.... chicken tikka masala! Pretty impressive I might add. I think it only took him two days to make and I'm pretty confident the curry smell should go away in 2 to 3 days! Gotta love it.
Hoping the rest of the week well be nice and quiet....
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
298 days to go...
Day 67 - Finally I am out of the 300's! Ughh this is taking forever....
The past few days the roller coaster has been at full speed and headed a bit off track!
I had a great time Friday night with my girlfriends. We headed to the Sand Sport Show, and then met up with my old high school buddies. It's crazy how people can just click back into sync even after 15 years. Thanks Tom, Rick and Kent... you guys rock, had a great night! And yes Tom you can take me for a spin on the back of your Harley.... did I really agree to that??
Saturday I was supposed to get up and meet Chris and Allissa at the sports bar for college football... needless to say, Friday was too much fun and I didn't make it! Washington ended up losing...BAD... so I didn't miss much! Saturday night headed to the fair with my darling 6 year old, her new friend and Mr. M! This was NOT a date, more of a "play date"! The girls had a blast and the parents did too! It was kind of cute distancing ourselves and just enjoying the girls interacting. They both managed to crash out on the drive home, which did allow for a little hand holding!
Sunday Mr. M, with daughter in tow, came by to fix us banana pancakes. We all enjoyed breakfast together. They headed out and Kayden and I decided to brave the mall and run some errands.
Now in between all of this was the roller coaster flying off course via Clint.... SURPRISED! Didn't think so. Not letting it get to me other than trying to figure out how he knows where I am and who I'm with.... Had the car searched this morning for tracking devices and had my phone restored to factory settings. Let me tell you fun stuff, always keeps me on my toes!
The always interesting life of Amber continues.... Tomorrow Mr. M is preparing a special dinner.
The past few days the roller coaster has been at full speed and headed a bit off track!
I had a great time Friday night with my girlfriends. We headed to the Sand Sport Show, and then met up with my old high school buddies. It's crazy how people can just click back into sync even after 15 years. Thanks Tom, Rick and Kent... you guys rock, had a great night! And yes Tom you can take me for a spin on the back of your Harley.... did I really agree to that??
Saturday I was supposed to get up and meet Chris and Allissa at the sports bar for college football... needless to say, Friday was too much fun and I didn't make it! Washington ended up losing...BAD... so I didn't miss much! Saturday night headed to the fair with my darling 6 year old, her new friend and Mr. M! This was NOT a date, more of a "play date"! The girls had a blast and the parents did too! It was kind of cute distancing ourselves and just enjoying the girls interacting. They both managed to crash out on the drive home, which did allow for a little hand holding!
Sunday Mr. M, with daughter in tow, came by to fix us banana pancakes. We all enjoyed breakfast together. They headed out and Kayden and I decided to brave the mall and run some errands.
Now in between all of this was the roller coaster flying off course via Clint.... SURPRISED! Didn't think so. Not letting it get to me other than trying to figure out how he knows where I am and who I'm with.... Had the car searched this morning for tracking devices and had my phone restored to factory settings. Let me tell you fun stuff, always keeps me on my toes!
The always interesting life of Amber continues.... Tomorrow Mr. M is preparing a special dinner.
Friday, September 17, 2010
302 days to go...
Day 63 - Had an awesome night on Wednesday at the shooting range! I think I have found a new way to express myself. Plus having a 6'4" guy stand behind you whispering things in your ear... uh yea... I must like living on the edge because that date was a total turn on!
Ahhh... Its Friday night and the weekends here, I need to unwind...where's the party..... Mr. DJ!
Headed down to the meat market, uhh.. I mean the Sand Sport Show where all of the dirt bike boys hang out! It's a social/business field trip. I have to make an appearance, hug all the guys, see Mr. Sunglass boy, and then head out! Meeting up with some old high school buddies for drinks after. Should be an interesting night!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
305 days to go...
Day 60 - OK, I admit I am getting slower and slower at updating. Things have been very busy lately! Let's see... where did I leave off, oh yes the second official date, almost a week ago.
The week finished off with no major complications and only a few bumps. Thursday from what I can remember was uneventful, which these days is neither good nor bad! Friday started with a great hour of yoga, followed by lounging at the pool with Allissa. That night I headed out to one last soiree to wish Kaley adieu, but this time I brought a date, and a girlfriend! Why not drag the guy you've seen only a handful of times to meet your little sister and several of her friends... all of which who love to jab and drink wine! He was a great sport, but seemed a little nervous, to be expected I guess. (From now on I am going to refer to him as Mr. M!)
Saturday I had a nice quiet drive down to San Diego to visit one of my dearest girlfriends and join in on the festivities of her sons 3rd birthday. Silly me never opens the evite and just heads south after confirming the weather of cool and overcast... Needless to say, I was "that" girl at a pool party in jeans, heels and a sweater. Kelly and I got a kick out of it. Thank goodness I didn't have Kayden, that would have been a nightmare... swim party and no suit! My intentions were to head out from there and meet up with an old buddy, but last minute his plans changed. So in turn I headed to Chris & Allissa's for maggies and dinner! Great friends always save my Saturday nights.
Sunday got my girl back, headed out for a hike, had some friends over for pool time and then finished the evening off with a little football and dinner. It's nice to have people back at my place. For so long my friends were afraid to come over to my last house as the tension was so toxic. Now my house is filled with laughter, wine and yummy smells from the kitchen! Mr. M and his daughter opted to stop by and delivery a little gift to me. The girls were excited to see one another and immediately bounced off to play. My friend joined right in with my gang which consisted of Chris, Allissa and Kaley, and fit right in. It was a very nice night for me, one which was simple, and yet I thoroughly enjoyed.
Now remember the "bumps" I mentioned earlier... Bump 1, got a call on Friday. Bump 2, followed by an email on Sunday. Really...as if I am not doing a good enough job on my own comparing... I get the pleasure of hearing your voice and seeing your words. The two things I long for nearly everyday, but have somehow managed to forge on! Get it together girl!
All in all I wrapped up last week just fine. I truly am enjoying things everyday. I am not nearly as stressed financially, and the romance is slowly headed this way, I will just have to wait and see where it takes me!
Thursday, September 9, 2010
310 days to go...
Day 55 - Wow, time to get you caught up on the recent activities of my ever changing world!
So recap Monday... the meeting of the girls.
This guy is so cute, his number one lady is his 6 year old daughter... uh can I relate or what! They have an amazing relationship as he has primary custody of her. We could spend countless hours just talking about parenting moody little girls! (but we don't!)
Tuesday rolled around and Kayden decided to spend the evening with her dad. That left me with the night off, thankfully I was determined to work out after my over indulgent weekend. Much to my surprise my new friend opted to spend the time with me and we went for a run. Now seriously ladies... who wants a guy to see her for the second time all red and sweaty! I must be a confident woman or a complete idiot. (ha ha... leave that open for debate) Mind you he runs triathlons for fun and is 6'4" so his stride is far greater than mine. He was practically skipping AND talking as I gasped for air dripping in sweat! Fun times, let me tell you. Finished the night off with a quick bite to eat and sat talking for hours.
Last night was the second full date...
We headed down to the beach for some dinner on the pier. It was a wonderfully romantic evening that included a scenic drive, sunset at the beach, dinner al fresco, and a cuddled up stroll down the pier. What more could this girl ask for.
Now here is where the problem lies... I like this guy, I really do, and why wouldn't I... He's attractive, kind, charming, totally understands the whole kid thing. The chemistry is there, but somewhere in the back of my mind I am starting to compare. It's not fair I know and I am working on it. Wish me luck!
So recap Monday... the meeting of the girls.
This guy is so cute, his number one lady is his 6 year old daughter... uh can I relate or what! They have an amazing relationship as he has primary custody of her. We could spend countless hours just talking about parenting moody little girls! (but we don't!)
Tuesday rolled around and Kayden decided to spend the evening with her dad. That left me with the night off, thankfully I was determined to work out after my over indulgent weekend. Much to my surprise my new friend opted to spend the time with me and we went for a run. Now seriously ladies... who wants a guy to see her for the second time all red and sweaty! I must be a confident woman or a complete idiot. (ha ha... leave that open for debate) Mind you he runs triathlons for fun and is 6'4" so his stride is far greater than mine. He was practically skipping AND talking as I gasped for air dripping in sweat! Fun times, let me tell you. Finished the night off with a quick bite to eat and sat talking for hours.
Last night was the second full date...
We headed down to the beach for some dinner on the pier. It was a wonderfully romantic evening that included a scenic drive, sunset at the beach, dinner al fresco, and a cuddled up stroll down the pier. What more could this girl ask for.
Now here is where the problem lies... I like this guy, I really do, and why wouldn't I... He's attractive, kind, charming, totally understands the whole kid thing. The chemistry is there, but somewhere in the back of my mind I am starting to compare. It's not fair I know and I am working on it. Wish me luck!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
312 days to go...
Day 53 - I had a terrific Labor Day weekend... how about yourself? I am truly blessed to have such an incredible family. They welcomed me and my friends (7 of us in all) with open arms and made everyone feel so comfortable.
The weekend started with all of us driving north to the ranch Friday afternoon. We arrived to a welcoming reception! Kaley had made fabulous appetizers for all to enjoy with chilled wine on the lawn. Curtis prepared one of his memorable dinners that we all finished off together in the dining room. Wonderful food and the best company. After dinner we headed back outside to sit in the lawn and watch the stars. I actually saw the Milky Way for the first time.
Saturday we headed out wine tasting. I only got a few sips as I had volunteered to be the DD. I enjoyed seeing everyone tasting and having a grand old time. At one point we even got a private tasting with the winery owner himself in the barrel room. We all enjoyed the one on one attention, it was the highlight of the day!
Sunday we headed to the coast for yummy fish, spicy bloody mary's and picturesque ocean front views. Couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend, well maybe the ranch being a little closer but I love it up there.
And the bonus... Monday! Just love getting that extra day off. Had a psuedo 1/2 date with a new friend. We both had our daughters and decided to meet so I could return his sunglasses. We were very cautious to not let the girls know what was going on. However, my girl being the extrovert, was eager to meet this cute little girl who sat at another table as we ate our lunch. Soon thereafter they were standing at the window looking at ducks and helping one another fill out the puzzles on their menus. All in all our little plan worked. The girls had a great time together and we continued to act as strangers. We fed the ducks and eventually walked over to the kids store and let the girls each pick out a toy. To summarize the meeting Kayden eventually said "Mom, you should get his number"! To say the least I was pleased... even if she meant only for another play date. Kayden and I then headed to a friends BBQ to cap off the weekend.
I have a second real date coming up tomorrow evening... So excited!
The weekend started with all of us driving north to the ranch Friday afternoon. We arrived to a welcoming reception! Kaley had made fabulous appetizers for all to enjoy with chilled wine on the lawn. Curtis prepared one of his memorable dinners that we all finished off together in the dining room. Wonderful food and the best company. After dinner we headed back outside to sit in the lawn and watch the stars. I actually saw the Milky Way for the first time.
Saturday we headed out wine tasting. I only got a few sips as I had volunteered to be the DD. I enjoyed seeing everyone tasting and having a grand old time. At one point we even got a private tasting with the winery owner himself in the barrel room. We all enjoyed the one on one attention, it was the highlight of the day!
Sunday we headed to the coast for yummy fish, spicy bloody mary's and picturesque ocean front views. Couldn't have asked for a more perfect weekend, well maybe the ranch being a little closer but I love it up there.
And the bonus... Monday! Just love getting that extra day off. Had a psuedo 1/2 date with a new friend. We both had our daughters and decided to meet so I could return his sunglasses. We were very cautious to not let the girls know what was going on. However, my girl being the extrovert, was eager to meet this cute little girl who sat at another table as we ate our lunch. Soon thereafter they were standing at the window looking at ducks and helping one another fill out the puzzles on their menus. All in all our little plan worked. The girls had a great time together and we continued to act as strangers. We fed the ducks and eventually walked over to the kids store and let the girls each pick out a toy. To summarize the meeting Kayden eventually said "Mom, you should get his number"! To say the least I was pleased... even if she meant only for another play date. Kayden and I then headed to a friends BBQ to cap off the weekend.
I have a second real date coming up tomorrow evening... So excited!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
317 days to go...
Day 48 - Ahhh... I love drama free days. Nothing much happened today, that's not to say I wasn't busy, but it was a normal day!
I had lunch with an old high school girlfriend. I guess I haven't seen her in over a year... that went by quick. She happened to pick the same location I had dessert at last night. As I walked into the restaurant, the waitress recognized me from the night before and proceeded to inform me that my date from last night left his sunglasses. (strange that I clarify last night... its not like I have been on any other dates!) So cliche... leave something behind so you can get a second date! He and I joked about it all evening. He truly seems to be a geniune person.
Just finished packing the bags to head to the ranch this weekend. It's my friend Chris' bday and a group of us are going wine tasting. I cannot wait, I am sure we will have a fantastic weekend. I have tons of fun up there and that's without my friends... this time I am bringing 5! Watch out Paso, the city bunch are on there way!
I had lunch with an old high school girlfriend. I guess I haven't seen her in over a year... that went by quick. She happened to pick the same location I had dessert at last night. As I walked into the restaurant, the waitress recognized me from the night before and proceeded to inform me that my date from last night left his sunglasses. (strange that I clarify last night... its not like I have been on any other dates!) So cliche... leave something behind so you can get a second date! He and I joked about it all evening. He truly seems to be a geniune person.
Just finished packing the bags to head to the ranch this weekend. It's my friend Chris' bday and a group of us are going wine tasting. I cannot wait, I am sure we will have a fantastic weekend. I have tons of fun up there and that's without my friends... this time I am bringing 5! Watch out Paso, the city bunch are on there way!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
318 days to go...(still)
Day 47 - Inquiring minds want to know.....
So my "online"/blind date went extremely well. He was a very interesting person. He reads people for a living, meaning their body language and responses to questions for corporations. Luckily he informed me of this at the beginning of the date. I was so frickin' nervous, my hands were out of control. I walked in and immediately gave him a hug, much less embarrassing than shaking hands! Then I proceeded to tell him he was my first date in 15 years, that made him nervous! All in all we had a great time, chatted the whole time, swapping stories. My body language finally relaxed, as did my nerves, two Kirian's could have been the culprit! What was supposed to be a quick meeting and a drink turned into dinner, a walk around the lakes, followed by dessert and a night cap. I really had a good time and felt comfortable.
I am so glad I finally got the damn courage to DO something! It could have been a disaster, but my first time was just perfect. Again, we shall see where this goes......
So my "online"/blind date went extremely well. He was a very interesting person. He reads people for a living, meaning their body language and responses to questions for corporations. Luckily he informed me of this at the beginning of the date. I was so frickin' nervous, my hands were out of control. I walked in and immediately gave him a hug, much less embarrassing than shaking hands! Then I proceeded to tell him he was my first date in 15 years, that made him nervous! All in all we had a great time, chatted the whole time, swapping stories. My body language finally relaxed, as did my nerves, two Kirian's could have been the culprit! What was supposed to be a quick meeting and a drink turned into dinner, a walk around the lakes, followed by dessert and a night cap. I really had a good time and felt comfortable.
I am so glad I finally got the damn courage to DO something! It could have been a disaster, but my first time was just perfect. Again, we shall see where this goes......
318 days to go...
Day 47 - WOW, can you believe it is already September. Since February this year has flown by. My calendar has been filled with ups and downs along the way. I really have no problem watching 2010 go away. It's been my ever haunting hurricane!
Tonight I have my first real date! YIKES.... I am meeting someone I have been chatting with online. It is crazy that this is where I am at, but I have accepted it. I am nervous and a little excited. To this point he doesn't hold a candle to my "special" pen pal, but not sure anyone can fill that spot. I am optimistic and willing to give all applicants a fair shot!
Fill you in later tonight or tomorrow if stay out too late!
Tonight I have my first real date! YIKES.... I am meeting someone I have been chatting with online. It is crazy that this is where I am at, but I have accepted it. I am nervous and a little excited. To this point he doesn't hold a candle to my "special" pen pal, but not sure anyone can fill that spot. I am optimistic and willing to give all applicants a fair shot!
Fill you in later tonight or tomorrow if stay out too late!
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
319 days to go...
Day 46 - I am starting to get better at my time management! Heck with this blog, the career websites, and the dating ones... I have a keyboard attached to my fingers at all times.
I had a quick chat with an old high school buddy today. We plan on meeting up sometime next week. It's funny he and I... we spent 4 years together flirting like crazy and never crossed that line. Our best friends dated... we always went out and hung out together... and never went there. It wasn't as if there was not any attraction, from what I recall it was mutual but I guess we never wanted to ruin the friendship. Here we are 15 years later and we are going to hang out! Just have to see where that goes. I could definitely use a male friend. I miss that camaraderie.
Starting to get a little chatty with a "match" friend. Today I got the early morning wake up email and later the good night email. It's kinda nice, I sure have missed the chime on my phone letting me know I have a message. Maybe we will progress to a meet and greet!
Speaking of missing and emails.... really miss my pen pal these days.
I had a quick chat with an old high school buddy today. We plan on meeting up sometime next week. It's funny he and I... we spent 4 years together flirting like crazy and never crossed that line. Our best friends dated... we always went out and hung out together... and never went there. It wasn't as if there was not any attraction, from what I recall it was mutual but I guess we never wanted to ruin the friendship. Here we are 15 years later and we are going to hang out! Just have to see where that goes. I could definitely use a male friend. I miss that camaraderie.
Starting to get a little chatty with a "match" friend. Today I got the early morning wake up email and later the good night email. It's kinda nice, I sure have missed the chime on my phone letting me know I have a message. Maybe we will progress to a meet and greet!
Speaking of missing and emails.... really miss my pen pal these days.
Monday, August 30, 2010
320 days to go...
Day 45 - Lets see I sure have some catching up to do on my blog.
Last week was fairly uneventful with the exception of it being the hottest temperatures of the summer, and my AC unit deciding to take a crap. My poor body was so drained with heat exhaustion I could not think to type!
The reality of my sister leaving is starting to set in. I had a wonderful time on Friday at her "work" going away happy hour. I got to meet a few of her coworkers and had a night out in L.A. It is obvious she and I are still in denial as to how far away she is going to be, and how soon it will be happening. We kept looking at each other with the "dont go there" look. She is moving out of her place tomorrow and will be up at the ranch the next few weeks until she leaves for Paris. Not like this year hasn't been tough enough... but this is going to be one more thing to add to my list.
This weekend was pretty jam packed for me! Friday was L.A., which meant I got dressed up all cute and sassy! (black pencil skirt, patent leather strappy heels, and a pink strapless ruffle blouse) Saturday had breakfast al fresco with a girlfriend and did a little faux shopping. For those of you who don't know, my faux shopping consists of buying things and not spending money! I had a few gift cards I cashed in! Got some gadgets at the kitchen store, some new makeup and lip gloss at Nordies, and a new sweater! Somehow I managed to have the MAC makeup lady schedule me an appointment to do my makeup in a week or so! She REALLY wants to do it! Yesterday started as a lazy day, slept in a bit... watched some old movies, then headed to the beach with a girlfriend. We spent the remainder of the day people watching, drinking beers and enjoying good company.
I am still lonely in the dating department, whats new! I did a little revamp on the online profiles which managed to get me more hits and "winks"! Just have to wait and see where that goes. The online dating scene is extremely comical! Most guys tend to send generic lines that you can tell they have cut and paste and sent to 20 girls. In fact it happened to myself and a girlfriend. One guy managed to email both of us and of course with the same "lame line"! Luckily I have a great sense of humor and called him out on it. He was honest about it and it made both of us laugh! For now we are just starting to talk and find out what we may have in common.
That's about all for now......
This week should be interesting with Kaley leaving.... sad face ....
Last week was fairly uneventful with the exception of it being the hottest temperatures of the summer, and my AC unit deciding to take a crap. My poor body was so drained with heat exhaustion I could not think to type!
The reality of my sister leaving is starting to set in. I had a wonderful time on Friday at her "work" going away happy hour. I got to meet a few of her coworkers and had a night out in L.A. It is obvious she and I are still in denial as to how far away she is going to be, and how soon it will be happening. We kept looking at each other with the "dont go there" look. She is moving out of her place tomorrow and will be up at the ranch the next few weeks until she leaves for Paris. Not like this year hasn't been tough enough... but this is going to be one more thing to add to my list.
This weekend was pretty jam packed for me! Friday was L.A., which meant I got dressed up all cute and sassy! (black pencil skirt, patent leather strappy heels, and a pink strapless ruffle blouse) Saturday had breakfast al fresco with a girlfriend and did a little faux shopping. For those of you who don't know, my faux shopping consists of buying things and not spending money! I had a few gift cards I cashed in! Got some gadgets at the kitchen store, some new makeup and lip gloss at Nordies, and a new sweater! Somehow I managed to have the MAC makeup lady schedule me an appointment to do my makeup in a week or so! She REALLY wants to do it! Yesterday started as a lazy day, slept in a bit... watched some old movies, then headed to the beach with a girlfriend. We spent the remainder of the day people watching, drinking beers and enjoying good company.
I am still lonely in the dating department, whats new! I did a little revamp on the online profiles which managed to get me more hits and "winks"! Just have to wait and see where that goes. The online dating scene is extremely comical! Most guys tend to send generic lines that you can tell they have cut and paste and sent to 20 girls. In fact it happened to myself and a girlfriend. One guy managed to email both of us and of course with the same "lame line"! Luckily I have a great sense of humor and called him out on it. He was honest about it and it made both of us laugh! For now we are just starting to talk and find out what we may have in common.
That's about all for now......
This week should be interesting with Kaley leaving.... sad face ....
Thursday, August 19, 2010
331 days to go...
Day 32 - It was awfully quiet today and I am lonely. This blog was supposed to be about an incredible year I am to be experiencing... why the heck to I feel like I am headed down hill? Hello girl, wrong direction... turn around, onward and upward!
Headed out tonight with a new friend... a single mom neighbor who also is 33! It's kinda like we should be doing this journey together!
Wish me luck for a better tomorrow...
Headed out tonight with a new friend... a single mom neighbor who also is 33! It's kinda like we should be doing this journey together!
Wish me luck for a better tomorrow...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
332 days to go...
Day 33 - I have been lagging at my blog, but in my defense I have had a lot on my plate. In a addition to writing and rewriting my resume and cover page, I have been looking all over the U.S. for available jobs. There are a few I am extremely interested in, however, I am sure there are many other people equally interested!
Today was an extremely tough day for me. Nine years ago today... I was lounging poolside in Maui just waiting for the sun to start to set and my wedding to begin. This morning was the complete opposite. I had a hearing in family court for the review of my restraining order and the possibility of my divorce being finalized. I knew my day was going to be interesting when my ex stormed out of the courtroom and opted for the alarmed fire exit, he always had to make and entrance or exit! Needless to say my divorce status was denied and my restraining order granted for a period of 3 years! You take the good with the bad, right! I really wanted to be divorced today.... I think moreso due to the date factor... In my opinion it just would have made this day each year easier to manage. It was too good to be true... ironic that the court had scheduled this date in the first place. I was pretty bummed earlier today, but looking back now I am over it. Eventually someday, hopefully in the near future I will be divorced! He can only fight it for so long... (control freak!)
Now I am back to just focusing on my next steps... find a job, decide where to live (stay or move?) and wondering if I will every find a companion!
Today was an extremely tough day for me. Nine years ago today... I was lounging poolside in Maui just waiting for the sun to start to set and my wedding to begin. This morning was the complete opposite. I had a hearing in family court for the review of my restraining order and the possibility of my divorce being finalized. I knew my day was going to be interesting when my ex stormed out of the courtroom and opted for the alarmed fire exit, he always had to make and entrance or exit! Needless to say my divorce status was denied and my restraining order granted for a period of 3 years! You take the good with the bad, right! I really wanted to be divorced today.... I think moreso due to the date factor... In my opinion it just would have made this day each year easier to manage. It was too good to be true... ironic that the court had scheduled this date in the first place. I was pretty bummed earlier today, but looking back now I am over it. Eventually someday, hopefully in the near future I will be divorced! He can only fight it for so long... (control freak!)
Now I am back to just focusing on my next steps... find a job, decide where to live (stay or move?) and wondering if I will every find a companion!
Saturday, August 14, 2010
336 days to go...
Day 29 - I have been thinking lately.... always a scary thought I know, but bound to happen. Alone time leaves me not much else to do but think. I am starting to think I keep myself busy so I wont have any alone time and have to answer to myself. (denial... not very healthy Amber!)
Am I on the right path? What is the right path for that matter? Somedays things seem so clear, and others not so much. I guess thats true with nature as well, beautiful sunny days, and marine layers that wont go away... How did I end up here... How did I LET myself end up here? (control freak) Today I am feeling very alone and emotional, having my own little pity party, how pathetic. (always been one of my favorite words) I am searching so hard... to find what... love... companionship. Am I supposed to stop searching and eventually it will find me? I am having a hard time with patience, I feel as though I have been waiting so long. The pity part of me keeps screaming WHY ME...., what did I do to deserve this... the more rational side of me chimes in and yells "shut the hell up"... I have a beautiful daughter, incredible family and friends all of which are in good health and are an amazing support system. But for whatever reason today, I feel like doing nothing more than crying. I guess I just want this phase to be over. I want to be past this era of my life... the one that has plagued me for the past 4 years. I want to wake up everyday content on where I am in my life. I sold myself short a long time ago... I haven't achieved what I set out for in life, I settled at to young of an age. That I cannot change and those decisions will be with me for the rest of my life. It is now time for me to do something, achieve whatever greatness I choose to create.
I love how I start writing this with tears in my eyes... and end up feeling much better by the time I am through. Sometimes just getting this crap out of my head is what I really need! I guess that is what journaling is...my own little pep rally!
Thursday, August 12, 2010
338 days to go...
Day 28 - Fairly uneventful day today... which at this point I will take!
The cute neighbor friend went and got himself a girlfriend...darn it! He would have been fun! (did I actually just type that?) I am still going on the beach cruiser pub crawl with him and his station buddies this weekend. Who can resist a bunch of firemen, riding bikes, drinking beers... I'm mean c'mon,, I may be new at this but I am no idiot! Lets just hope a few are single or at least have "single friends".
Had a tentative "lunch date" the other day that fell through... Is this the beginning of a pattern? Geez, I sure came out of the starting gates with a bang! No worries, I'm in it for the long haul... or at least 337 more days!
Gotta get my beauty sleep for now! Starting over again on my journey. This weekend should be promising... Next week is going to be horrific or terrific... have to wait and see!
The cute neighbor friend went and got himself a girlfriend...darn it! He would have been fun! (did I actually just type that?) I am still going on the beach cruiser pub crawl with him and his station buddies this weekend. Who can resist a bunch of firemen, riding bikes, drinking beers... I'm mean c'mon,, I may be new at this but I am no idiot! Lets just hope a few are single or at least have "single friends".
Had a tentative "lunch date" the other day that fell through... Is this the beginning of a pattern? Geez, I sure came out of the starting gates with a bang! No worries, I'm in it for the long haul... or at least 337 more days!
Gotta get my beauty sleep for now! Starting over again on my journey. This weekend should be promising... Next week is going to be horrific or terrific... have to wait and see!
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
339 days to go...
Day 27 - I tried to update on day 342...but used my "mobile device" and apparently it didn't work!
I'm exhausted.... and have been for days. I have been on this crazy roller coaster of a ride called "Amber's world"! I do not even know where to begin to get myself, or you for that matter, caught up!
Lets see...
KayRae started her first week of school last Monday, we are 8 days in and so far so good! It is nice getting back into a routine. Still trying to iron a few kinks, but for now we are managing. Going from having to be at school by 11:13, to now having to be there at 8:00 was definitely challenging.
In the span of a week I lost/quit/got fired from my job..... however you choose to spin it. What one might think would be a traumatic or devastating event, I seemed to handle it fairly well. As much effort as I have put into that company since its beginning, I am sad to say I am sorta over it! I didn't choose that career path, I chose to work their for my family. I have dedicated over 6 years of my life to that business, building it, nurturing, living and breathing it.... It was not my dream, but at the time my husbands. Since that relationship is now null... I ask myself "why must I stay there"? Don't get me wrong, I have learned so much from owning and running my own business. I have learned how much of a mans world it is out there, but a pretty girl with brains and wit sure can get shit done! The phrase "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself" is tattooed on my brain. It helps to have great employees... sometimes it just takes years to find them! I am seeing these experiences in my life so clear now as if I have some insight into what is coming next....
I have spent the past few days working on my resume and exploring jobs throughout the US. It's interesting to see whats really out there, no surprise that its not HERE in So Cal! Keeping my fingers crossed I found something that truly fits me, and can pay the bills.
Nothing new in the relationship department! Old ones keep coming back... (it's easy to put them back in their place0. New ones are hard to find. I'm starting to feel like a stalker.... and by no means does that make me proud. With all of this instant communication... emails and texting, I feel as though when you forget to say something, and you have to "write back" to express the thought you forgot and sometimes you just handnt even completed your thought process... In turn you send 3 emails in a row with out a response... makes me look and feel like a freak!
Ok getting tired... promise to get blogging into my new routine!
I'm exhausted.... and have been for days. I have been on this crazy roller coaster of a ride called "Amber's world"! I do not even know where to begin to get myself, or you for that matter, caught up!
Lets see...
KayRae started her first week of school last Monday, we are 8 days in and so far so good! It is nice getting back into a routine. Still trying to iron a few kinks, but for now we are managing. Going from having to be at school by 11:13, to now having to be there at 8:00 was definitely challenging.
In the span of a week I lost/quit/got fired from my job..... however you choose to spin it. What one might think would be a traumatic or devastating event, I seemed to handle it fairly well. As much effort as I have put into that company since its beginning, I am sad to say I am sorta over it! I didn't choose that career path, I chose to work their for my family. I have dedicated over 6 years of my life to that business, building it, nurturing, living and breathing it.... It was not my dream, but at the time my husbands. Since that relationship is now null... I ask myself "why must I stay there"? Don't get me wrong, I have learned so much from owning and running my own business. I have learned how much of a mans world it is out there, but a pretty girl with brains and wit sure can get shit done! The phrase "if you want something done right, you gotta do it yourself" is tattooed on my brain. It helps to have great employees... sometimes it just takes years to find them! I am seeing these experiences in my life so clear now as if I have some insight into what is coming next....
I have spent the past few days working on my resume and exploring jobs throughout the US. It's interesting to see whats really out there, no surprise that its not HERE in So Cal! Keeping my fingers crossed I found something that truly fits me, and can pay the bills.
Nothing new in the relationship department! Old ones keep coming back... (it's easy to put them back in their place0. New ones are hard to find. I'm starting to feel like a stalker.... and by no means does that make me proud. With all of this instant communication... emails and texting, I feel as though when you forget to say something, and you have to "write back" to express the thought you forgot and sometimes you just handnt even completed your thought process... In turn you send 3 emails in a row with out a response... makes me look and feel like a freak!
Ok getting tired... promise to get blogging into my new routine!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
346 days to go...
Day 20 - I'm completely inspired to blog tonight, lying in bed watching Julie & Julia. What a wonderful movie.
This week has been a mess..... life altering to say the least. Monday started with the first day of 1st grade a milestone in itself. Followed by an afternoon of tension and walking on eggshells. Tuesday was slightly less eventful, but Wednesday took the cake! I was asked to leave my job and in the same breath... I QUIT! Hostile work environment.... Today I stayed home, worked on my resume and began searching for jobs. Surprisingly I am very optimistic of what the future holds. If I choose to go back to my company... there will be several changes that must take effect for me to even consider. I think they realized today how much of an asset I am to the success of the company. For now I am going to keep my options open and look at what opportunities are out there.
Tomorrow is a new day!
This week has been a mess..... life altering to say the least. Monday started with the first day of 1st grade a milestone in itself. Followed by an afternoon of tension and walking on eggshells. Tuesday was slightly less eventful, but Wednesday took the cake! I was asked to leave my job and in the same breath... I QUIT! Hostile work environment.... Today I stayed home, worked on my resume and began searching for jobs. Surprisingly I am very optimistic of what the future holds. If I choose to go back to my company... there will be several changes that must take effect for me to even consider. I think they realized today how much of an asset I am to the success of the company. For now I am going to keep my options open and look at what opportunities are out there.
Tomorrow is a new day!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
350 days to go...
Day 16 - Tomorrow my girl starts back to school... 1st grade here we come! With that life goes back to normal and routines kick in, summertime fun time is officially over. I've decided I am going to stop drinking this month, not that I was remotely out of control or anything. My girlfriend is getting married and we are really working on getting in shape for her wedding. She has decided to quit and I am following along in support. Plus she is my drinking buddy! In addition to staying out of bars... I am going to quit the dating game. I put 16 full effort days in and maybe had one date. It's not my scene... plus when you least expect it that's when something is going to happen.
So for now I am going back to being "mommy". Back to homework, dinner at home, and early bedtimes. Lets hope the blog doesn't get boring!
So for now I am going back to being "mommy". Back to homework, dinner at home, and early bedtimes. Lets hope the blog doesn't get boring!
Friday, July 30, 2010
352 days to go...
Day 14 - I'm sitting here this morning eating apple pie for breakfast and borderline pouting. The question on my mind today is... do guys really ask girls out anymore? Seriously, my most recent male encounters I have initiated. Have I been off the market so long that the whole system has flipped? What's an honest, decent girl supposed to do to get noticed or asked on a date? It's overly easy to chat with someone online... The online guys are asking me to meet all the time, but why us it so difficult to get a live, breathing one that happens to be in the same room with you at the same time? Is online dating the only way relationships are created anymore?
I'm starting to think it's time I dust off my old Sex in the City episodes and take a few tips from the ladies... Wait weren't they single until their late 30's, early 40's? Crap...
I'm starting to think it's time I dust off my old Sex in the City episodes and take a few tips from the ladies... Wait weren't they single until their late 30's, early 40's? Crap...
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
354 days to go...
Day 12 - I have been told I'm not dating enough... uh random? I thought one adventure a week was plenty for this girl. I am trying to figure out the next step in this process. This may sound horrible but I don't have a lack of people asking me to meet them for a drink or coffee.. I just cant figure how to make myself take that leap. Mentally I am not there. In all honesty there is only one place I want to be, and we all know where that is! (shhhh its our little secret)
I have a date with my sister tomorrow, she is always fun and Long Beach definitely has a single scene. I guess I will have a run at it... round two! This time we are headed to a wine bar, complete opposite of last time..vampires and karaoke!
I am doing my best to get noticed, keep my spirits are up and always look good. I am sure that is a normal thing for most of you.. (Kaley excluded)! Hair is 98% always done, and I don't leave home without makeup! Being single is serious planning!
OK...back to responding to the emails available men! HA
I have a date with my sister tomorrow, she is always fun and Long Beach definitely has a single scene. I guess I will have a run at it... round two! This time we are headed to a wine bar, complete opposite of last time..vampires and karaoke!
I am doing my best to get noticed, keep my spirits are up and always look good. I am sure that is a normal thing for most of you.. (Kaley excluded)! Hair is 98% always done, and I don't leave home without makeup! Being single is serious planning!
OK...back to responding to the emails available men! HA
Monday, July 26, 2010
356 days to go...
Day 10 - I HATE MONDAYS!
More to follow after I have a bottle of wine and find something positive to say...
More to follow after I have a bottle of wine and find something positive to say...
357 days to go...
Day 9 - Inquiring minds want to know.... you know who you are!
Had a great weekend at the ranch. Birthday weekend with Curtie...and I was an only child, no siblings and no child of my own. The three of us had a really good time.
I guess I had my official first date. I really was trying to not let it turn into a date... but I think it did. He really wanted to come pick me up and finally settled on me meeting him somewhere and parking my car. We then headed off to a great dinner and late evening. This is a guy I went to high school with... we had very little interaction back then, other than he was the guy whose locker was above mine and occasionally whacked me in the head with his door. (Apparently I am a very forgiving person) He has done well for himself, graduated from college two years after we got out of high school, and thrust himself into an international career. Like I, he is recently divorced and somehow we reconnected on facebook and briefly chatted a few months back. Last week he noticed some posts I made on music, one of my interests, and ended up buying me a ticket to go see a band preform. The music was great but it all seemed a little weird to me. Music appears to be the only common ground. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see how this one rides itself out! Not sure I am ready to "date".
Its a new week starting in a few hours. Kayden will be away this week at the ranch. Curious to see what plans I come up with in my free time... Maybe I will see if my neighbor is back in town and not working at the station...!
Had a great weekend at the ranch. Birthday weekend with Curtie...and I was an only child, no siblings and no child of my own. The three of us had a really good time.
I guess I had my official first date. I really was trying to not let it turn into a date... but I think it did. He really wanted to come pick me up and finally settled on me meeting him somewhere and parking my car. We then headed off to a great dinner and late evening. This is a guy I went to high school with... we had very little interaction back then, other than he was the guy whose locker was above mine and occasionally whacked me in the head with his door. (Apparently I am a very forgiving person) He has done well for himself, graduated from college two years after we got out of high school, and thrust himself into an international career. Like I, he is recently divorced and somehow we reconnected on facebook and briefly chatted a few months back. Last week he noticed some posts I made on music, one of my interests, and ended up buying me a ticket to go see a band preform. The music was great but it all seemed a little weird to me. Music appears to be the only common ground. I guess I am just going to have to wait and see how this one rides itself out! Not sure I am ready to "date".
Its a new week starting in a few hours. Kayden will be away this week at the ranch. Curious to see what plans I come up with in my free time... Maybe I will see if my neighbor is back in town and not working at the station...!
Saturday, July 24, 2010
358 days to go...
Day 8 - I headed north for the weekend solo... Its kind of nice up here just the adults. We had an incredible dinner last night for Curtis' birthday. My Mom and I looked ridiculously hot! Today I went offroading with Curtis on the bikes then headed to town for massages and manicures! I really love birthday weekends.
I have been home from Texas a week now. It has definitly been a busy and fulfilling week for me here. I do however I miss quite a few people back there. Some more than others... just kidding!
Tonight we are headed to dinner to celebrate my birthday. Another incredible meal is in my future.
My life is rapdily changing these days, who knows where I will be in a few weeks or months...
I have been home from Texas a week now. It has definitly been a busy and fulfilling week for me here. I do however I miss quite a few people back there. Some more than others... just kidding!
Tonight we are headed to dinner to celebrate my birthday. Another incredible meal is in my future.
My life is rapdily changing these days, who knows where I will be in a few weeks or months...
359 days to go...
Day 7 - This was a CRAZY day... but not in the mood to go into too much detail. I made an attempt to meet a "friend" at Starbucks this morning but it apparently didn't work out. I went ahead and sat on the patio, ate my oatmeal and drank my macchiato. Sometimes just sitting there and people watching is entertainment enough.
I started an early morning chat with someone online... really rethinking this online stuff. I am not very into it, but I do find it humorous! I have mixed opinions. I don't consider myself a desperate person. I am friendly and outgoing, I just need an environment to meet people and preferably not just the "bar scene". I may give it another week and then nix it all together. I pretty much have my hands full as it is!
I started an early morning chat with someone online... really rethinking this online stuff. I am not very into it, but I do find it humorous! I have mixed opinions. I don't consider myself a desperate person. I am friendly and outgoing, I just need an environment to meet people and preferably not just the "bar scene". I may give it another week and then nix it all together. I pretty much have my hands full as it is!
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
361 days to go....
Day 5 - Today was a big day... well it was supposed to be, but my work didn't choose to cooperate. Two people took the day off, one of which I knew about, the other is just a selfish ass.... we all know who THAT is! I have quickly passed my early thirties and am now moving towards my mid thirties. Luckily I have absolutely no problem with this. My 30th birthday, which to some may have seemed entertaining, was one of the worst years of my life. Been there, done that, quickly moving on! Now as I embrace 33, I am so eager to see what's around the corner. Heck... what else could happen, hmm probably shouldn't sound so cocky!
I think I may have taken my "1 year" assignment too "head on". I definitely am having fun, its nice to have people call you, and text or email you... people who WANT to do things with you. So far in my 5 days, I have gone to dinner and hung out at the pool with a new friend, and yes I initiated that one. Received gifts from another...and he didn't know of my birthday. And have an upcoming date or "hang out" on Sunday with a third individual. I am having a hard time categorizing these encounters...and maybe I shouldn't even try to. That is sooo Amber, over analyze and categorize... I think I will just let things be!
Tomorrow is a new day and things are rapidly progressing... lets see whats next shall we.
I think I may have taken my "1 year" assignment too "head on". I definitely am having fun, its nice to have people call you, and text or email you... people who WANT to do things with you. So far in my 5 days, I have gone to dinner and hung out at the pool with a new friend, and yes I initiated that one. Received gifts from another...and he didn't know of my birthday. And have an upcoming date or "hang out" on Sunday with a third individual. I am having a hard time categorizing these encounters...and maybe I shouldn't even try to. That is sooo Amber, over analyze and categorize... I think I will just let things be!
Tomorrow is a new day and things are rapidly progressing... lets see whats next shall we.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
362 days to go...
Day 4 - Today is a frickin' terrific hair day! Isn't in incredible how a good hair day can dictate the rest of your day. I am seriously thinking about meeting one of my "matches" just cause I look so darn good! I am starting to think this aging stuff isn't so bad. Tomorrow I celebrate my 33rd birthday and I feel amazingly liberated and more confident than I ever have. Its either because I have finally learned to deal with the mop of a mess atop of my head, or hair products have truly come a long way!
Kayden lost her tooth last night... the lone straggler is finally gone! It was getting ridiculous starring at that snaggle tooth for the past two week since she had lost the first front tooth. She looked like my little pirate.
Kayden lost her tooth last night... the lone straggler is finally gone! It was getting ridiculous starring at that snaggle tooth for the past two week since she had lost the first front tooth. She looked like my little pirate.
Monday, July 19, 2010
363 days to go...
Day 3 - So I lied a little when I said yesterday should be pretty easy, holy cow I'm beat! The beach was crazy packed and parking was a nightmare for some, I managed to find a spot rather quickly. It was overcast, yet warm and I thoroughly enjoyed the company! The evenings concert of MGMT, was terrific with the exception of two things... the opening band was HORRIBLE, and my butt didn't get home until 1:30am! Which under normal circumstances would be just fine, but I am still on Texas time! Sure made getting up this morning a little tough...
I am coming to the conclusion I am learning a new craft... the art of juggling, and I don't mean that as a physical skill! I'm starting to juggle men. Ha.. never thought I would claim those words! I may have joined one to many online dating sites, which ironic enough, I didn't want to join any! Actually I am still filtering those emails, I guess I have found some nice people on my own. Yesterday I was texting and emailing.... like a mad woman. Now, I know many of my seasoned single friends can handle this stuff, but hey I'm a rookie. I have not dated since high school, and then it was even rare. I'm not a serial dater, I tend to be the one who waits, finds who she wants and then stays in one relationship. Apparently I am unique, which I guess I always knew. The jury is still out on whether or not I am enjoying this new venture. Yes, I am having a great time, but is this really me? Am I just going through the motions to fulfill a one year request? It's still early in my quest... we shall wait and see.
Now off to work, haven't been there in over a week!
I am coming to the conclusion I am learning a new craft... the art of juggling, and I don't mean that as a physical skill! I'm starting to juggle men. Ha.. never thought I would claim those words! I may have joined one to many online dating sites, which ironic enough, I didn't want to join any! Actually I am still filtering those emails, I guess I have found some nice people on my own. Yesterday I was texting and emailing.... like a mad woman. Now, I know many of my seasoned single friends can handle this stuff, but hey I'm a rookie. I have not dated since high school, and then it was even rare. I'm not a serial dater, I tend to be the one who waits, finds who she wants and then stays in one relationship. Apparently I am unique, which I guess I always knew. The jury is still out on whether or not I am enjoying this new venture. Yes, I am having a great time, but is this really me? Am I just going through the motions to fulfill a one year request? It's still early in my quest... we shall wait and see.
Now off to work, haven't been there in over a week!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
364 days to go...
Day 2 - Strangely enough I survived day one with flying colors! Today should be quick and painless as well. Headed to the beach with Rylee for the day and then treating her to an MGMT concert, she is excited beyond words.
Decided this morning I need to get a roomate. I thought I could handle all of my exspenses alone, who am I kidding, I thought I would get some additional support... but cant keep waiting on that! So with this social media world we have become, I put my first personal post on craigslist. Lets see what crazies I get!
Had a great evening last night. Walked over to have sushi with my young, single, neighbor! Had a great time! I am so coming out of my shell. I met him a few weeks ago through a mutual friend who introduced us since we were neighbors. Decided yesterday to get off my butt and go ask him if he wanted to go hang out and grab a bite to eat or get a drink. We ate, talked, had a few drinks, grabbed a six pack and walked home! Ended up at the pool with the rest of the neighborhood chatting and laughing.
Thoroughly enjoyed myself and I am only on day 2!
Decided this morning I need to get a roomate. I thought I could handle all of my exspenses alone, who am I kidding, I thought I would get some additional support... but cant keep waiting on that! So with this social media world we have become, I put my first personal post on craigslist. Lets see what crazies I get!
Had a great evening last night. Walked over to have sushi with my young, single, neighbor! Had a great time! I am so coming out of my shell. I met him a few weeks ago through a mutual friend who introduced us since we were neighbors. Decided yesterday to get off my butt and go ask him if he wanted to go hang out and grab a bite to eat or get a drink. We ate, talked, had a few drinks, grabbed a six pack and walked home! Ended up at the pool with the rest of the neighborhood chatting and laughing.
Thoroughly enjoyed myself and I am only on day 2!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
365 days to go...
Day 1 – I have been given a one year challenge. So to chronicle my adventures for the next year I have finally decided to start a journal or I guess the modern version is a blog. I have been advised to journal for many years, and never followed through, now I have 365 days to do so. I am sure some days will be short, and possibly nonexistent, however today, day 1, will not be that way.
I was asked to devote one year to myself. I guess to find myself and figure out what it is I truly want, maybe to experience life a little bit. The past few years have brought many changes, some good, and some bad, all of which I have embraced, experienced and moved on from. I now find myself 3 days before my 33rd birthday, a divorced single mom full of hope and optimistic of what my future WILL bring! I have learned there is no point in trying to figure out life, you just need to live it. It’s going to take you on a ride if you let it.
As I sit in my aisle seat on my flight back from Texas, headphones on and iPod on shuffle, I realize I need more music! Such a hopeless romantic my music definitely reflects that. First thing when I get home… update! I’ve spent the past 10 days in Texas, working and spending some incredible time with my family and friends. I forget how many people I have who love and support me, and now as I head home I already miss them. This year I will figure out where I should be.
Warning…I am not a writer, never have been, English was my worst subject. I’ve never been much of a reader either, yet that is something I have enjoyed these past few years. Maybe my writing skills will improve as well! My grammar will be poor, run on and incomplete sentences will follow… but hang with it… we may all learn something this year. I promise to be honest, and divulge all of the good, the bad and the really good!
365 days with Amber, fingers crossed they go by quickly! Taking all suggestions, lining ‘em up and knocking ‘em down…Accept and love me for who I am, I have…
I was asked to devote one year to myself. I guess to find myself and figure out what it is I truly want, maybe to experience life a little bit. The past few years have brought many changes, some good, and some bad, all of which I have embraced, experienced and moved on from. I now find myself 3 days before my 33rd birthday, a divorced single mom full of hope and optimistic of what my future WILL bring! I have learned there is no point in trying to figure out life, you just need to live it. It’s going to take you on a ride if you let it.
As I sit in my aisle seat on my flight back from Texas, headphones on and iPod on shuffle, I realize I need more music! Such a hopeless romantic my music definitely reflects that. First thing when I get home… update! I’ve spent the past 10 days in Texas, working and spending some incredible time with my family and friends. I forget how many people I have who love and support me, and now as I head home I already miss them. This year I will figure out where I should be.
Warning…I am not a writer, never have been, English was my worst subject. I’ve never been much of a reader either, yet that is something I have enjoyed these past few years. Maybe my writing skills will improve as well! My grammar will be poor, run on and incomplete sentences will follow… but hang with it… we may all learn something this year. I promise to be honest, and divulge all of the good, the bad and the really good!
365 days with Amber, fingers crossed they go by quickly! Taking all suggestions, lining ‘em up and knocking ‘em down…Accept and love me for who I am, I have…
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