Am I on the right path? What is the right path for that matter? Somedays things seem so clear, and others not so much. I guess thats true with nature as well, beautiful sunny days, and marine layers that wont go away... How did I end up here... How did I LET myself end up here? (control freak) Today I am feeling very alone and emotional, having my own little pity party, how pathetic. (always been one of my favorite words) I am searching so hard... to find what... love... companionship. Am I supposed to stop searching and eventually it will find me? I am having a hard time with patience, I feel as though I have been waiting so long. The pity part of me keeps screaming WHY ME...., what did I do to deserve this... the more rational side of me chimes in and yells "shut the hell up"... I have a beautiful daughter, incredible family and friends all of which are in good health and are an amazing support system. But for whatever reason today, I feel like doing nothing more than crying. I guess I just want this phase to be over. I want to be past this era of my life... the one that has plagued me for the past 4 years. I want to wake up everyday content on where I am in my life. I sold myself short a long time ago... I haven't achieved what I set out for in life, I settled at to young of an age. That I cannot change and those decisions will be with me for the rest of my life. It is now time for me to do something, achieve whatever greatness I choose to create.
I love how I start writing this with tears in my eyes... and end up feeling much better by the time I am through. Sometimes just getting this crap out of my head is what I really need! I guess that is what journaling is...my own little pep rally!
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