263 days to go...

Day 102 - Wow... over a hundred days, almost a third of the way through my year! I guess I could recap how far I have come. When this first began in mid July, I was enamored with Mr. P (to say the least). I could hardly think of anything but him, and to think he was the one who put me up to the this silly challenge, a year to myself to find a boyfriend! I have since gone on a few dates, chatted with a dozen or so guys, and for the most part started dating one person... Mr. M. I was asked to go find a boyfriend for the year, and I have done just that.

Now let's be honest, well I guess I will be the one being honest. I fell.... HARD, for Mr. P. I cannot quite put a finger on the how's and whys, I just did! He grabbed me and I wouldn't let go. I fell for his words, his ideas, his mind... I fell in love with someone I hardly knew, well at least in a present since (does that make sense?). I think mentally we connected and for me it was very real. He could brighten my day with the simplest of words, the smallest gesture. I was so happy with the bits of him I would get each day. In the back of my mind, I knew this was never real. I am a realest, always have been and always will be. I may see or know something isn't what it seems, but as long as I am getting what I want or need out of it I will continue right along. I needed him... I needed the confidence and the attention. He gave me what I needed to get out and start moving forward. For that I am truly thankful. He showed me I could move on, and that I would be able to love someone again. As much as I wanted or want to be with him... we just aren't in the same place. I know what he asked of me in July wasn't a true challenge, but rather a way for me to slowly let go and move on from him. I guess now is time for me to start doing just that. As much as I want to be with you Mr. P, I know the reality of the situation is so far from my wishes... Not a day goes by that I don't hear a song or see something that reminds me of him. My memories will always be fond of him, he got me partially through this crazy year. He put a smile on my face and gave me the courage I needed to move forward. I will always have a place for him in my heart... Even if he does come to town and we don't get to see one another, he will still be my friend!

268 days to go...

Day 97 - It has been over a week since my last post. I keep saying I need to keep up, but I think this delay had more to do with denial and feelings, than a lack of spare time. Last week was supposed to have been an incredible week for me. I should have had the opportunity to see Mr. P after 90 days of not,... but I didn't. Needless to say I wasn't too eager to post about it. I am very proud of myself for not being too readily available and throwing myself out there, but I am still bummed I did not get to see him. Oh well, things did not turn out as I had hoped, but all in all it was still an incredible week I wish to share.

Last, last, Tuesday Mr. P flew into town... I happened to have tickets to the Jack Johnson concert. Conveniently I had an available ticket just in case, and a wonderful cousin as my back up plan. The back up plan turned out to be the better option! I had a terrific time with my cousins, enjoyed incredible music and great company. Wednesday is my night sans child, which tends to be my date night with Mr. M, who too is without child on that day. I can't quite remember what we did or maybe did not do, but I am sure we had a good time. Friday he managed to take the day off so we could spend some time together. We made tentative plans for a day trip but the weather was not as cooperative so we ended up staying local. He proceeded to kick my but at the gym and then made me lunch. That evening we headed out to dinner and a spooky Halloween filled night of ghosts, goblins and haunted houses! He really is a great person who aims to please me, something I am starting to get used to. I do however manage to get the door every time and he gets mad at me! Finished off that week with Rylee for the weekend.

This week was less eventful, but it still took me three days to write what I have so I think I will finish this for now...

279 days to go...

Day 86 - Warning this post may be a tad bit boring and contain too much personal info. Don't say I didn't warn you!

This weekend started off with a great Friday. I took Mr. M to lunch as it was his birthday and it looked as if that was going to be the only time we could squeeze in. Finished off the night having dinner with some girlfriends whom I had not seen in some time. It was nice chatting and catching up, not to mention the sangria was delicioso! Then popped over to another girlfriends house for a nightcap! This is when the conversations got interesting. Needless to say I ended up scheduling my first bikini wax! This is when it gets a bit personal... YIKES,that hurt! I did however manage to survive all awkwardness and I seem to be pleased with the results. Definitely took the client relationship with my esthetician to a whole new level!

Kayden and I were supposed to catch a family birthday, but cooperation didn't seem to be her specialty on Saturday so we missed it. We ended up meeting Mr. M, his daughter and his niece at the pumpkin patch. There is something strange when he is with his daughter... I become more attracted to him. I love the way he interacts with the girls. I have such love for the family dynamic... don't get me wrong, I am not planning my next wedding, but I am attracted to strong family characteristics. The girls had a wonderful, as did myself and Mr. M.

Today was a jammed packed day. Went to the theater for a movie this morning and spent the afternoon on retail returns. Seriously I hit 6 stores... efficiently! Now somewhere in the middle of all that my washer, on spin cycle, managed to knock a bottle of fabric softener off. It proceeded to ooze all over the floor and underneath the oh so heavy washing machine. Normally this would not seem to be to major of an incident... pull the machine out and clean below. However for me, the machine happens to be sitting in a tray since it is on the second floor. I could not manage to get under to clean it. Luckily I am dating an incredible strong and sexy guy... Mr. M to the rescue! Got my mess all cleaned up and as the girls briefly played, we chatted for a bit.

And the interesting part of my weekend.... the conversation about a committed relationship. He flat out asked me "Are you in a committed relationship?" I managed to dodge answering truthfully. Honestly I couldn't answer the question at all... Am I ready for that? Is he the one... well at least for now? This one completely caught me off guard.

280 days to go...

Day 85 - What to tell... oh what to tell!

Let me see... oh yes... I'm still dating Mr. M, he is turning out to be a truly wonderful individual. Sometimes I am afraid he is too nice and I am not going to be able to handle it. I am so accustomed to controlling, self centered men, having someone tend to my wants and desires is definitely throwing me for a loop. With that said, I do enjoy the attention and affection, and am working on taking it all in! What the heck am I complaining about... Right!

Now here is my latest curve ball. Mr. P is coming into town this week. He and I have been chatting briefly these last few weeks. Nothing like it used to be, but I do manage to hang on to every word he sends. His rule to this little challenge was that if either of us was less than 500 miles away all bets were off! So this means (fingers crossed) I get to see him (briefly) one day this week. I can't quite find the words to express what I am feeling about seeing him. It has been 87 days since we last saw one another... but whose counting (oh that would be me!). I think about him often and wonder how things would be if he were here. Sometimes I think I have fantasized these feelings in my head, and that the reality of us dating would be so different. There are so many variables to what we have together... Obviously we are not dating. He lives there and I live here. Our chats are rare... but when we do chat it just "clicks" for me. I know I have a tendency to create scenarios in my head that are the exact opposites of reality... but after not seeing someone for 87 days and still thinking of him the way I do, there has to be something there... Right? I just hope things work out the way I imagine them to be. Somehow this man captured my heart.

Oh and on a side bar... Mr. M does not know about Mr. P... but Mr. P knows about everything. Is that fair, I don't know. I don't ever see Mr. P, so why bring him up. If he happens to start coming around at all, then maybe I will share the information. I am not trying to be dishonest by any means. Any thoughts?

289 days to go....

Day 76 -Catch up time... I am still dating Mr. M, and for the most part the balance of last week was fairly calm... well at least in comparison to some Amber weeks!

Now for the true update on the dating situation... I like Mr. M, I really do, he is a sweet, charming, fun guy. He is definitely a "man's man". He seems to be mingling with my group just fine. We had a great time together on Friday with Allissa and Chris. We met for happy hour and somehow ended up playing a round or two, or maybe three.. of drinking games back at their house. Mr. M seemed very relaxed and appeared to really be enjoying himself. The only problem is, I don't see myself falling in love with this guy. In fact I am starting to feel like there is only one person out there that I will allow myself to be in love with...

That's right... Mr. P. He is back in the picture, well sort of. And in all honesty, as much as I tried to convince myself, he never left my heart or my head, I was lying. I may not have talked about him much, but he's mostly what I think about. We've been chatting a bit more frequently the last few days. Almost swinging back into our old rhythm. It is utterly crazy the closeness I feel to this individual, especially based on the time, or I guess lack there of, that we have spent together. Love is a crazy thing.... strange I know.


(more in the morning)

296 days to go...

Day 69 - I am exhausted.... didn't sleep well last night. I was up first thing this morning and in the office by 7am! I am enjoying my new office environment with the exception of not being as close to home. I liked going home for lunch, as simple as it may sound it was quiet and peaceful, and I could do laundry or dishes! Needless to say, today is dragging on.

I had a nice date last night... First we went and lifted a little weights than headed out for a run. I like being with someone athletic, it is definitley encouraging and leans towards a productive date! When we got back I took a quick shower while he finished making dinner. He braved one of my favorite dishes.... chicken tikka masala! Pretty impressive I might add. I think it only took him two days to make and I'm pretty confident the curry smell should go away in 2 to 3 days! Gotta love it.

Hoping the rest of the week well be nice and quiet....

298 days to go...

Day 67 - Finally I am out of the 300's! Ughh this is taking forever....

The past few days the roller coaster has been at full speed and headed a bit off track!

I had a great time Friday night with my girlfriends. We headed to the Sand Sport Show, and then met up with my old high school buddies. It's crazy how people can just click back into sync even after 15 years. Thanks Tom, Rick and Kent... you guys rock, had a great night! And yes Tom you can take me for a spin on the back of your Harley.... did I really agree to that??

Saturday I was supposed to get up and meet Chris and Allissa at the sports bar for college football... needless to say, Friday was too much fun and I didn't make it! Washington ended up losing...BAD... so I didn't miss much! Saturday night headed to the fair with my darling 6 year old, her new friend and Mr. M! This was NOT a date, more of a "play date"! The girls had a blast and the parents did too! It was kind of cute distancing ourselves and just enjoying the girls interacting. They both managed to crash out on the drive home, which did allow for a little hand holding!

Sunday Mr. M, with daughter in tow, came by to fix us banana pancakes. We all enjoyed breakfast together. They headed out and Kayden and I decided to brave the mall and run some errands.

Now in between all of this was the roller coaster flying off course via Clint.... SURPRISED! Didn't think so. Not letting it get to me other than trying to figure out how he knows where I am and who I'm with.... Had the car searched this morning for tracking devices and had my phone restored to factory settings. Let me tell you fun stuff, always keeps me on my toes!


The always interesting life of Amber continues.... Tomorrow Mr. M is preparing a special dinner.