This was a good week, an emotional one, but good nonetheless. I got divorced (yay!), and finalized where to move. However, I did manage to skip the gym, every single day. It is strange to say, I am missing my workout routine... random! Note to self.... get back to the gym, it really does make me feel better.
For some reason, I headed to a jeweler this morning to see if he was interested in purchasing my wedding ring. I decided I could sell it and take myself on a trip. I used to think I would never part with it and would eventually give it to Kayden, now I am not so sure. I see it in my jewerly box ever so often. It was a beautiful ring to me... at one point in my life, now its a mix of emotions. If I could only get over the anger and resentment, maybe I could keep it and remember the positive memories. I did manage to turn in some random gold jewelry I haven't worn in 20 years, mainly stuff from my Texas days. I came home with a $700 check! How's that for a Saturday!
Now the truth to the random clearing of my head.... this darn countdown..... In the beginning I was so eager to see this year fly by. It's as if I had some sort of prize waiting at the end, and in my little heart I felt as if I did. Now that I am approaching 100 days... I kind of want it to stop and slow down. Unfortunatley for me I have so much coming up these next few months, the time is going to fly by. I am going to get to the middle of July... and break my own damn heart! My dear friend... (oh who am I kidding), the man who has captured my thoughts and emotions for the past year is the one who asked me to take this year to myself. I suppose it was so I would move on and find someone or something else... and while the year is not up... I sit here thinking about him daily. I think about the "ifs and whens" and will it ever actually be, yet deep down I know it probably won't. Needless to say... I am going to be heart broken in July when I come to the end of my 365 days... and it happens to be just another day. Sometimes reality is not fair! For now I have to keep on living it for 102 more days and see where I end up.... and then what?
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